3 Essential Tips To Save Your Relationship After An Affair
Approximately 60% of men and 40% of women have had an affair during the lifetime
of their relationship! This is the shocking reality of our modern society.
If you discover your partner is having an affair you will probably be devastated, especially if you thought you were in a strong relationship. Your emotions will be raw and they will range between disbelief to anger.
There are steps you can take to work through the impact of your partners infidelity and betrayal, and to bring about a satisfactory conclusion for you both.
1, Breathing Space
Both of you will need this time to think things through, and you will need to recover from the shock. If you are separated then you should avoid contact when emotions are raw. Angry or pleading phone calls and emails will only make matters worse. Give your partner time. It could be days or a few weeks. Hopefully, they will realise how much they are missing you and what they will lose if you separate for good.
2, Initial Contact
Your initial contact with your partner should be by letter, which gives you total control in what you write. Think carefully about the content of this letter and acknowledge that you must also take responsibility for why your partner had an affair. Invite them to meet with you so that you can have the opportunity to discuss what went wrong. Choose a meeting place where you can talk without distractions.
Preparation for the meeting is important. Think about what you are going to wear and rehearse the key points you want to get across to your partner at the meeting. Show them you have made a real effort and that this is the new you. As difficult as it might be to stay calm, you must, otherwise your partner will not want to talk through why they had the affair. Dont make the meeting feel like an interrogation. See this meeting as being the first of several, so take your time and win over their trust and confidence.
You will need to judge when is the right time to ask your partner if they would consider coming back to you. It is unlikely to be at the first meeting, but you need to gauge how well it has gone and whether or not it is too early to ask them. Tell them you are willing to work hard on the relationship and that you are prepared to forgive them, and ask them to forgive you too.
3, Forgiveness
If you want your partner back, then there has to be genuine, heartfelt forgiveness. If the marriage/relationship was good before the affair, then it is worth saving. You may have children and so it is not just what could be lost between you as a couple, but what the break up would do to the family as a whole. But you must both commit to making the relationship work as it can be just as damaging for the children if you stay together in an unsettled environment.
You can seek help from a family member or close friend who you can trust. Look to someone who, you believe, will give you sound advice. There is, of course, much information to be found on the internet, and you can also seek professional help from a marriage counsellor.
Understand that you will not be able to fix your relationship overnight, it will probably take a number of months, and sometimes even years, to rebuild. Communication is key, with you both remembering how to talk to each other again.
With these 3 killer tips, hopefully, as I found from my own personal experience, you will find the odds of getting your partner back are going to be significantly improved.
by: Raymond Bork
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