4 Foolproof Ways to Deal with Your Children and Divorce

4 Foolproof Ways to Deal with Your Children and Divorce

Going through a divorce is a stressful enough ordeal for many people. However, one must never lose sight of the fact that if adults are having a hard time with the divorce, their children are also making adjustments. No matter what age your children are, it's bound to be a rough ride and they need your help to get through it. Children coping with divorce often start having problems in school and may go through a period of withdrawal. Different children cope with their parents' divorce in different ways.

Here are four tips to help you deal with your children and divorce:

1. Talk to your children - Talking to your children about divorce doesn't just mean informing them that you're getting one. Talk to them (as much as is appropriate for their age) about why you came at that decision, assure them that you did what you can to save the marriage. You'll be surprised at how many children have a misconception about why parents get a divorce. It's better to give them the information that they need, assure them that it's not their fault that you're getting a divorce, and answer any question they may have.

2. Set their expectations - When children hear that their parents are getting divorced, they really don't know what to expect. It's important to cushion the emotional blow by painting a clear picture of what's going to happen over the next few months. Tell them when their other parent is going to move out (and where they are moving), how you worked out the visitation schedule, and more.

3. Make as little changes as possible - Children coping with divorce are often shaken up by the drastic changes that will happen to their home life. One of the most common effects on children of divorce is that they feel less secured and more afraid of the uncertainties of life. To help children transition to this new phase of their life, it's important to make as little change in their life as possible. Do your best to keep the normal routines that they have grown used to. Encourage them to continue with their afterschool activities. Don't make any more drastic changes like transfer them to a different school or move to a different city. A change in the structure of their basic family unit is enough. Give them time to acclimate to this situation first.

4. Take care of yourself - Children take cues about life from their parents. They will have a better chance of adjusting to the changes that your divorce will bring if they see that you are also dealing with the situation well. It may get overwhelming and difficult at times. It's important that you surround yourself with supportive people like your family and friends. Don't hesitate to talk to a therapist or counselor if you feel you are not coping with the situation well. You can also join divorce support groups.

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