A Crush i've been waiting for so long
A Crush i've been waiting for so long
A Crush i've been waiting for so long
This is not an article, more like me expressing my feelings, cause im tired of keeping it in me for so long...
i have a crush on a guy, from the moment i saw him i wanted to know him, i felt like he would totally understand me, he would get me when no one did, he just gave me the most positive vibes...
they say that human has more than 5 senses, not 6, even more, and one of the senses is what you make a person feel or how does that person makes you feel, and he made me feel so safe...
at first i didn't know who he was, and i thought he is just another guy i fall for his looks, but then i found out that he is the friend of my best friend, and i was like "GOD MUST LOVE ME" for this..
i've always been this cheerful girl, always making people laugh, that loyal friend who would do anything for her friends sake, who would put her problems away to help solve others, the girl who everyone wants to be friends with, and everyone just want to hang around cause she seems fun and interesting.
but i always wanted someone to be so close to me that I'd be able to tell everything to, I'd scream my ambitions for, cry my problems on his shoulder, and laugh my awkward embarrassing moments with..
i kept my crush for this guy a secret for almost 4 months, then i just had to say something, so i just told my best friends who know him, and their reaction amazed me..
they were shocked that i noticed his existence, and after they accepted that fact, they started saying the worst things about him to me, like "oh he is too moody, he is too honest that he hurts, he is not the kind that would be nice just to anyone, he will put you down, he will reject you, and once you get to know him you will hate him!!"
nothing of what they said really stopped me from wanting to know him more, i told my friends " if he is going to make me hate him, then fine let it be, at least i will stop having a crush on him"
and they finally introduced me to him, and what an awkward moment that was, and he turned out exactly as i thought..
an amazing guy, who has a very sweet heart, but always been misunderstood, and he acts sometimes in a way that hurts just to avoid the heart break of his own, but all those stuff took a while to know, almost a year, and it wasn't that easy either..
the first 3 months, we didn't really talk we just had stupid silly laughter together, and just saying hi, and it was fading, 2 months passed by and i didn't see him because it was summber break, then we went back to college, and i saw him, we didn't really talk..
i am a confident girl, and i speak up my mind and i never cared, i called guys handsome and cute, and they ask me out, it wasn't that hard to me, i flirt and laugh about it, but when it comes to this guy, i become someone else, i lose my confidence, i start worrying if he cares about me, if he laughs at my jokes, if he finds me interesting...
the semester was almost over, and nothing happened between us, till my friend put up a dare saying that she can bring him to me, and i just laughed telling her he would ask you to convince him and i know you can't...what excuse would you use??
surprisingly he listened to her and came to me, and i kept my mouth open for 10 minutes, couldn't believe that it was real, after he was gone, i asked her what did you tell him to make him come and she laughed and said " i told him that i'd do anything for him if he just played along"..
the next day, i had a depression, and i was sitting on the floor, infront of the class room, about to cry, waiting for my best friend, he came out and said "Hey" wanted to continue walking, i raised my head and stared at him, and he noticed my sad eyes..
he stopped moving and asked me what's wrong? and all i said was "NOTHING!" in the most cruel way, and turned my head to the other side...
after i got over my depression, i realized what a jerk i was, and wanted to apologize to him, i expected for him to say apology accepted and go away, but he didnt, he amazed me even more with his reaction to my words, he was the sweetest nicest guy i have ever met that day...i couldn't believe it...
i told my friends about it, and their jaw landed on the ground, they couldn't believe a word i said, they kept asking me to say what he said exactly and i did, and they still couldn't believe it..it's then when my friend confronted me telling me that the excuse she used to do that dare wasn't that she would do anything for him if he agrees to come along..
she told him that i was so upset, that so many things bothered me, and she was just trying to find any reason to make me laugh, and that includes him coming along, and he said "okie you convinced me, lets go"
i realized that maybe he has got more into him than what people think, and from now on i won't care about what other say about him, i will be the judge of whatever he does..
i've been trying so hard to be his friend, he does open up to me and tell me stuff, but i feel like he needs me to push more and more to get it, he smiles a lot to me, he stares a lot, and whenever i catch him staring he keeps looking until i just look the other way..
the last time we had a conversation it was like 4 days ago, and i stopped because my friends told me that they're afraid that if i got closer i might fall for him and he won't have it the same way i did......so i just stopped saying hey, and seem busy with something whenever he is around...
my friend told me that this will make him get hurt, mad, and i told her he is a grown up i don't think he would take such things seriously...
and to prove her wrong, when i saw him yesterday and he looked at me i kept staring at him wanting to say hi, but the sad look in his eyes made me say it in the lowest voice ever, and he replied in the low voice, still having that sad look on his eye...
i used to think that i flirt with guys all the time because i just don't know who to pick, but now i know that i always been like that because i was just trying to avoid that gap in my heart...
i used to think that i wanted someone to love, but now i know i want him to love me, i don't want anyone but him...
i used to think that i always cared for looks, but in his case even though he does look attractive, it's what is inside of him that makes me adores him even more..
it kills me not being able to say hi just for the sake of it, not jumping all spontaneously saying "Hey lets go bring some food" or "wanna sit down with me?"
i just want to be able to talk to him, without having any excuse to, just friends sitting laughing, if only he knew what he means to me, how much it aches my heart that i spend a lot of time without him, how much it cuts my soul that i've wasted a lot of time without getting to know him so well..
if anyone could help me, tell me how can i make him open up to me, or how can i become closer to him without pushing myself on him., or any advice at all, please do tell...thanks
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