A voice from the grave
I will write to you, dearest Tolstoy, a small letter
, even though I have a very rich topic. But not feeling well, and a very long time to be fully develop this theme. You probably already have now, this biography of Dostoevsky - I beg your attention and indulgence - tell me how you find it. And on this occasion I want something to confess to you. All the time I was writing in the fight, I fought with gliding into my disgust and tried to stifle what is a bad feeling, the manual can I find out. I can not consider Dostoevsky's neither good nor happy person (which in essence is the same). He was angry, jealous, vicious, and he spent his whole life in such riots, which made him miserable, and did would be laughable if it were not so angry at this and so intelligent. He himself, like Rousseau, considered himself the best of people and the happiest. On the occasion of biographies, I remembered all of these features. In Switzerland, for me, he kicked around as a servant, that he was offended, and rebuke him: "I, too, man!" I remember that time I was amazed that it was said the preacher of humanity, and that there echoed the notion freestyle Switzerland on Human Rights .
Such scenes had been with him constantly, because he could not restrain his anger. Many times I said nothing to his antics, which he did quite like a woman, unexpectedly and indirectly, but I happened twice to say he was very hurtful things. But, of course, with respect to the wrongs he did have superiority over ordinary people and the worst of what he had it with delight, that he never confessed to the end in all its filth. He was attracted to filth, and he boasted of them. Viskovatov was telling me how he boasted that ... in the bath with a little girl, which led him to the governess. Note in this case that when an animal lust he had no taste, no sense of feminine beauty and charm. This is evident in his novels. Those most like him - are the heroes of "Notes from the Underground, Svidrigailov in Crime and Punishment" and Stavrogin in The Possessed. One scene from Stavrogin (molestation, etc.) Katkov **) * not want to print, as Dostoevsky read it here a lot.
With this kind it was very much inclined to the sweet sentimentality and lofty humane dreams - his direction, his music and the literary road. In fact, however, all his novels are self-justification, argue that a man can live in harmony with the nobility of squalor.
It's hard for me, that I can not get rid of these thoughts that I can not find a point of reconciliation! Am I angry? Envy? I wish him ill? Not at all: I'm just ready to cry, that it's a memory, which could be bright - just crushes me!
I remember your words, that the people who know us too well, of course, do not like us. But it happens differently. You can find a close acquaintance of a man hell, for which he will forgive all. The movement of true kindness, a spark of warmth to this heart, even one minute of this repentance - can all make amends, and if I remember something like Dostoevsky, I would forgive him and would rejoice at it. But one thing is the construction itself in a wonderful person, a parent and literary humanity, God, how disgusting!
It was truly unfortunate and a bad man, who fancied himself a happy man, a hero and tenderly loved one yourself. Because I myself know that I can bring myself disgusted and had learned to understand and forgive the other sense it, I thought I'd find out in relation to Dostoevsky. But I can not find and I can not find! Here is a small comment on my biography (emphasis everywhere Strakhov - GE), I could write and tell this side of Dostoyevsky and many incidents are drawn to me much livelier than what I have described, and the story went would be more truthful, but let this truth will die, will trot out with one face of life, how we do it everywhere and in everything!
A voice from the grave
By: Alex Bolton
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