Addiction, co-dependence, and the path to better mental health
Addiction, co-dependence, and the path to better mental health
It was when I first came across the work of Shirley Smith and her pioneering work on co-dependence and addiction in Set yourself free that I could feel an instant connection to this field. Co-dependence occurs when an individual feels forces to sacrifice his or her sense of authenticity in order to fit in with a dysfunctional family system. In sacrificing this the individual is destined to have feeling of something missing, a lacking sense of their own personality and boundaries, a feeling they are not distinct from others but rather merge into them. It is said to be 'a disease of immaturity' and the notion is explored that without recovery we will grow to be 'adult children' andwill inevitably pass this on.
Addictions can be drugs or various other ways one may stimulate themselves to focus away from this underlying pain. The pain is linked to physicalillnesses such as cancer.
The DSM 4 term of Borderline Personality Disorder links well with the way such an individual may experience their life. It is through Counselling or other networks of support such as twelve step programmes that an individual is able to make changes in their life and recover a sense of their own individuality and spirituality and are able to let go of the toxic shame they feel inside. From my experience as a therapist such change can actually happen quite quickly when the individual recognises something is wrong and has a 'desire' to change. It is here where the relationship between the Counsellor and client becomes invaluable. Clients sometimes report feeling a kind of spiritual awakening and a sense of connection they've never had before. That simple way of being of having someone there to truly empathise with them and see them as they are and how they are really feeling. Such is so simple but sadly so much rarer than we'd like to admit.
There is much constructive literature and support available in this area as linked to here. It seems that people can potentially live their life holding so much pain yet with so much potential there under the surface if it could be expressed. Friends are very helpful to us to give needed support but the support of a professionally ran group or trained therapist can be invaluable and can help individuals make the most rewarding journey of their lives.