After The Affair - How To Get Over Infidelity
After The Affair - How To Get Over Infidelity
I am guessing that you have just found out about the affair, so now - after the affair you are searching for much needed information on affairs. There are in fact several kinds. You may have already heard of the concept of the emotional affair. Probably the hardest one to get over.
Basically, an emotional affair describes a situation where one member of a committed relationship (a marriage) has developed a deep, emotional attachment to another outside of the marriage unit. These kinds of attachments usually run both ways. They are a double sided dagger.
This particular kind of affair however, usually hasn't progressed past the attachment stage. It is likely that there has been NOTHING physical. At least not yet! The emotional attachment has not evolved into a physical relationship between the two people - and in many cases of an emotional affair, it never does. There is still always a chance that it will, though.
Learning how to prevent yourself or your spouse from having an emotional affair can be described in 3 simple steps. 3 for each party that is!
If you are the cheater, here are 3 tips for you.
1. Recognize the fact that YOU are causing at least three people to be distressed.
By entering into an emotional affair and allowing it to continue, you have created a web of hurt or potential hurt for three people - YOU, your partner/ spouse, and the person with whom you are frolicking with. This web of hurt can be larger if the outside person is also in a committed relationship. The addition of kids will also add more people that can be hurt.
2. Think about the pain that your spouse or partner would feel if and / or when they find you out.
More specifically, think about the pain that you could be causing your spouse if for instance - they already suspect you are up to something. They may already know!
3. Find the courage in yourself to refrain from entering into an affair or to end your affair and get on with your life.
Yes, you need to find the courage in yourself, delve into your own heart to stop your affair for good or even seek outside help / counselling. If you are the injured party, the one being cheated on, here are 3 tips for you.
1. Ask your spouse or partner to first be responsible and admit the affair and then agree to put a stop to it.
The very first thing your spouse needs to do is to be responsible and admit that this affair really is happening. Denial can play tricks on a persons mind, and many people will habitually deny their affairs. If you are the injured, you need to persuade your spouse to not only admit the affair but end it quickly.
2. Make it known that the only way to rebuild your relationship is for them to acknowledge the pain they have caused.
Providing that your spouse has ended the affair, the rebuilding process can then begin. The first step in healing process is to lay it all out on the table. All feelings must be stated, nothing left unsaid. You will then be able to learn to rebuild your life and learn to open your hearts to each other again.
3. Actively seek ways to identify and heal each others wounds so as to grow closer together.
Both of you need to commit to doing whatever it takes to rebuild your unity and get over this large uncomfortable obstacle. By learning to be open, honest and accepting of each other is the path to getting your marriage back on track.