An Excellent Way To Save Your Marriage: Embrace Conflict
In many states, all a married couple has to do to end their partnership is testify
before the court that there are "irreconcilable differences" in their relationship and the judge will issue the dissolution of their partnership. But, in any marriage, there should be passionate differences. The best way to save your marriage is to embrace the differences that are present in a close partnership between two people.
We often think of couples divorcing as the ones who yelled at each other all of the time. But if these couples can communicate their needs through fighting, they are actually expressing themselves better than the couple that avoids fights at the cost of letting their partner know about their needs and beliefs.
It is these quite couples who need to save their marriage through embracing healthy disagreements.
While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a marriage, couples who don't recognize there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a social research author who administrates the "Love Lab."
So, if you want to save a marriage relationship, you need to understand how to communicate and express your opinions. Here are some tips for communication in marriage:
-- Provide enough time for better communication. If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your future thoughts, you will find your relationship is going downhill. Work on building couple's time back into your schedule. For instance, make a point of eating breakfast together regularly or going to a movie every week.
-- Really listen when your partner speaks. It is amazing how much we ignore our partners. He or she may be telling you what you need to know. But, if you are not paying attention, it is all in vain.
-- Discover why your partner is {upset|bothered|frustrated|annoyed. When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, "hear" what is really going on. Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has irritated them. Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred. But you won't know unless you are listening.
-- Get inside his or her world. As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds. When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save your marriage.
-- Stop judging. Express what concerns you have and listen to your spouse's desires. But, don't be quick to condemn or criticize.
-- Be honest. One of the biggest problems for people who don't like conflict is that they can't be honest about what they want and need. When you express honest opinions about disagreements, you will begin to save your marriage.
Marriage is hard work. But, if it is worth it to you to save your marriage you will do whatever it takes. That means more communication, and yes, possibly more conflict.
An Excellent Way To Save Your Marriage: Embrace Conflict
By: Wink Farrand
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