Anguise of desire
Anguise of desire
Anguise of desire
ANGUISH OF DESIRE
A SHORT STORY BY
ONYEUKAZIRI JUSTIN NNAEMEKA
Since one year of getting married those reminisces of youthfulness are always lingering in her mind. She arose from her bed and sat on the bed close to the pillow on the bed. She took the pillow placed it on her laps, placed her elbows on the pillow and her head cupped in her palms. The room was very quiet and she was with loneliness, a very sound condition to wonder. She was lost in wonder. She was wondering if one could ever give up ones youthful life after marriage. She remembered those yuppie wears of the city; jokes, youths crack and those night bashes. This aroused a kind of anger in her that is caused when an individual encounters the existential terrible truth of life. The traditional demand for married women to tie wrappers seems a burden to her because according to her they weigh more than oneself. Just within one year of getting married, she is already tired of attending this family meeting or that village meeting. She passionately detested meeting with women of old and worn-out mentalities in her family meetings. She is even tired of seeing only one man's face in her life. Every time Chuks, na wa O!' She exclaimed. She opened a new page in her wonder. She was asking herself whether she is still that beautiful Ijeoma men can't but admire while passing by. As if time took flesh and slapped her, she exclaimed, eh! It is already 7.15am.' She realized that these thoughts had carried her away since 5.00am.
Jumping out from the bed like someone who unknowing sat on thorns, she ran to the bathroom to wash herself. As she was making-up, she was thinking if she could make it at 8.00am to her place of work in Ikeja from Iba estate. She doubted when she remembered the usual hold-ups at Barracks, Alakija and especially at First GateMaza Maza.
As she ran out of the house to get okada to the bus stop she realized that she had spent only ten minutes taking her bath and to make-up. What she had never done even as an undergraduate at the University of Nigeria Nsukka.
On getting to the office she looked at her gold-plated wristwatch, a friend gave her as a gift during her wedding; it was ten minutes past eight. When she realized that the Chief Accountant, Mr. Bolaji in the accounting department was yet to come, she exhaled hot air. Though there were some staff around in the office before her arrival, she didn't receive any query from them since they were junior to her in position. The main reason for her joy was that she was only employed three months ago. And Nigeria is not a place to play with one's job. She was lucky to be employed in this company after her youth services. She new very well that it wasn't that she was very intelligent or hardworking but because she played her wing very well like a professional footballer. By using what she has like every women that knows was-up, to be enlisted among the first eleven.
As she sat in her office trying to crosscheck the balance sheet she worked on yesterday, she realized that her husband chucks would return from Enugu today and it is most likely he will board a night bus since he didn't travel with his car.
Chuks had traveled three days ago for a special assignment as the manager of Praxis Nigeria Limited. Chuks ascended to the position of a manager within two years of employment because of his philosophy of Success which he calls the three-Ds'. According to him the three-Ds represents; diligence, determination and discipline. He is known in his place of work as a man who preaches and lives this philosophy. He is always known for asserting whether you are a devout worshipper of God or not, this philosophy is the principle of success because it is the natural law of success on earth. For there is no successful man or woman who didn't live by or is not living by these principles. In fact even animals and plant obeys this principle to succeed in there activities.' He challenges the born-agains' in his place of work that these principles is also the secret of success even to enter the kingdom of God. For holiness which the bible says is the conditio sine qua non to see God is the fruit of diligence, determination and discipline.'
Chuks is a tall man with a well built stature, dark in complexion, and with each of his body part in the right proportion and size to fit the other parts that make his whole body. This made him to be a proof of the impeccability of God in creation. In fact he was very handsome that many girls are ready to do any thing in order to win his love. Unfortunately he hasn't the time to gallivant with ladies like those men whom it seems succubus had cursed to live looking for sluts to screw.
In her realization, she was restless to recall that the house was completely unkempt and there was nothing prepared for Chuks to eat, not even snacks in the refrigerator. She was restless and distress because her husband is no nonsense guy who detests untidiness like the way a pious Christian detests sin; and doesn't joke with his stomach especially whenever he comes from a journey. The thought of the several occasions she had told Chuks that they should get a house helper served as a palliative for consolation, a spring board of defense.
It was exactly half past ten, when Chuks arrived to the house. His journey was humble due to the electrical fault that befell the bus he boarded. To avoid any usual stomach problems in the bus during the night journey, he didn't eat any food. So he came back as hungry as a starved lion and as weak as a caged dove. He removed his own key to the house from his suitcase. Attempting to open the door he realized that the door was not knocked. So Ijeoma didn't knock this door?' He wondered. When he entered, he found the sitting room and the two bed rooms unkempt and every thing scattered like a polygamous home with many infants. Looking around the room, he questioned how could Ijeoma leave this house like this? Definitely there was no answer since he was the only person in the house. Without even undressing he went to the kitchen open the entire cupboard but there wasn't any food prepared for him. He patiently navigated the refrigerator with his eyes. He saw nothing; no snacks and no drinks. Furious, he shouted: this is unbearable.' He added I think this trash is getting too much. I've turned the other side of my check enough for Ijeoma.'
Still crammed with anger in his mind and his heart boiling with fury he decided to visit a family friend to cool-off. To avoid given emotion an upper hand to reason.
By the time he came back in the evening, Ijeoma was already back. And she had cleaned up the house, cooked some fried rice and fried some Irish potatoes and chicken. This was actually Chuks favorite. Chuks opened the door. His face was still stony like Olumo rock. Good evening darling, welcome,' she greeted. No respond. I'm sorry for what happened darling. Please forgive me again for the last time. I promise I'll not repeat it again.' She pleaded. How many times do you want me to forgive you? I think it is even more than seventy times seven times,' making a biblical impression. What is actually your problem Ijeoma?' He asked. For many occasions you leave the house without locking the door, you don't keep the house clean and tidy, you don't even bother to cook or keep snacks in the refrigerator; since you started working you come back late, after seven in the evening. You've developed the courage to shout at me. In fact, you name them, name them? I think we will consider asunder even if it was God that joined it together.' He added. The last statement struck a toughest chord in the heart of Ijeoma and that triggered her anger too. Then she exploded. What do you mean is it because I'm keeping silent? I can't take all these insults from you. How many times have I suggested we get a house help. I can't tolerate this any more. If you want we can divorce. But remember that I'm pregnant.' Hearing I'm pregnant struck so hard as if he was hearing it for the first time, while, she had been pregnant for eight months now.
Actually it was not that Ijeoma don't love Chuks, is just that she was not emotionally and psychologically prepared to hook on a man, as a wife. For she still feels she had to feel some other men. For her a wife is a victim of capitalistic-slavery, an insipid and frustrating subjugating adventure. Though he fell in love with Chuks before they married but she never intended to marry at that time. But she did, because almost all her friends were getting married. To give in to peer pressure is a philosophical aberration. But who can deny it exisistential realism? Only a mad man or woman.
That night each of them didn't take their supper. They went to the bed room separately. Chuks went first. Usually they walk together to the bedroom after supper. Chuks undress himself, had his bath and put on his blue, white-collar cotton pyjamas. He slept facing the milk colored painted wall by the side if the bed. Ijeoma came into the room already with her white transparent night gown. She prefers that because since her pregnancy she always complains of heat. The transparency of her white night gown reveals all curious body parts, from her chest to the lower part of the abdomen. She never mined since nobody was in the room but her husband. Well, before the dawn they actually settled their conflict of the previous night. And to seal the resolved conflict they were lost in an indescribable web of love, when they crossed legs.
Since four weeks ago after the last conflict the couple had, for the first time there were no quarrels not even nagging. There seem to exist a ghostly tranquility in the home. But one thing had been disturbing Ijeoma and she thought aloud, this may be the cause of my problem with Chuks.' She added, since I meet Prince in the send-forth party of the former branch manager of this company.' She meant the company where she works. She continued my heart is almost torn for him when he planted some lovely words of love into my heart.' Since the day Ijeoma met Prince she had responded positively for good three occasions to his date to have dinner together. These were the days she came back home very late after 8.00pm.
Ijeoma always told Prince that she loves him with a passionate passion when ever Prince expresses that he is lucky to be cut by that charm of love which fate had prepared for both of them to meet.
Prince is actually from a wealthy family and he is personally rich and desperate to fight for a political position in his state. But he is a master screwer and excellent crosser. If not that Prince is only taking his time he would had screwed and unscrewed Ijeoma. He always says to himself, I want things to mature and Ijeoma will be a weekly affair.' Among the things that should mature is Ijeoma putting to bed.
It was Saturday morning at about 4.00am. Ijeoma was rolling on the bed, crying and holding her stomach. Chuks suddenly woke up and asked, what is it?' My stomach', she responded. Moving closer, he held her, and asked, what is wrong with your stomach?' This time she didn't answer but kept shouting louder. Chuks quickly took her to the hospital and maternity home along Badagry express way. By the time Chuks came back in the afternoon from his shopping at a shopping complex in Festac, Ijeoma had given birth to a set of twin, a boy and a girl. Chuks took Ijeoma home happy after clearing the hospital bills and given the midwives some token as a form of gratitude.
Chuks helped Ijeoma to obtain maternity leave for three months. After eight days they named the twin, Nnamdi and Nnenna, after a long debate with the suggestion by Chuks that each of them should keep any other name as a pet name. As weeks went by the kids were growing healthier and stronger. And all this while Chuks refused any assignment to travel in his place of work in other to stay closer to Ijeoma and the kids.
Like the morning dew, the maternity leave was over and Ijeoma was extremely happy to resume work. But it was obvious that the joy was not that she loves working or she has the interest of the company in mind, but because of opportunities to visit Prince. Though she loves the twin but any time she is with Prince, she remembers nothing in this world but Prince.
Prince has completed all his travel documents to travel to the states where all his family members and friends are waiting for him to witness his wedding with a half-Nigerian and half-American girl. Prince had proposed to this girl some six months ego. All this plans, Prince never disclosed to Ijeoma. He kept them secret in other to consummate his relationship with Ijeoma, after which he would fly out, and never to see or hear from Ijeoma again.
Today happened to be the appointed and matured time Prince had been waiting for to hit Ijeoma. He had already fixed a date with Ijeoma in an hotel in Badagry close to the beach. At exactly 3.30pm, Ijeoma left her work place and boarded a bus to Mile 2, alighted, and boarded another going straight to Badagry. When the bus reached Iyano-oba bus stop she heard the commuters at Iba motor-park shouting on top of their voices, Iba, Iba here,' something within her told her, go home!' It continued go home the twin are crying.' It stroked her most when the voice said,' Chuks will not definite take this lightly if he is aware.' The bus passed Iyano-Oba bus stop and approaching LASU gate, she stood up and called the conductor's attention, see I want to stop.' Before the conductor would notify the driver of the mini-bus she said again, don't worry continue.'
At 5.30pm, prince was already waiting at the hotel. He had already paid for one of the room where they will envelop after eating and drinking. Fifteen minutes later Ijeoma arrived. By that time Prince was standing in front of a dark-blue gate of the hotel building. He hugged her and gave a kiss on her forehead. Then crossed his right hand round her neck, while she crossed her hand round his waist and they worked into the hotel. While they were eating and drinking Ijeoma drank enough wine perhaps to boost her courage to suppress all feelings of guilt. In the hotel room, which is well rugged; with a red flowered designed brown rug, a wide cabinet bed and a vast thick mattress, a cupboard with mirror. They were over filled with strong desire for each other. Ijeoma lay on the bed facing the ceiling, with her hands stretched at ninety degree to her trunk and her legs spread in a V-shape. Prince sat on the edge of the bed, looked at Ijeoma and said, your presence is enkindling a fire in my heart and your beauty is fanning the fire into flame. She replied, your look is stitching wounds in my heart and your touch is healing the wounds.' He bends and kissed her forehead, her nose and her lips in succession. After that he undressed himself. Then he helped her to undress. Both lay in the bed stark. They were both transfigured and raptured into a new planet they discovered through the night.
All these while, Chuks had been struggling to keep the twin quiet. They've been crying since afternoon. They refused to eat anything, not even to drink water. They needed nothing but breast-feed. It was exactly 9.30pm by the alarm clock hanging at the wall in front of Chuks with the twin in his two alms. Chuks lost his patient and made up his mind to beat Ijeoma afterwards divorce her if she happens to return. He said, this whore should better not come back to this house because I will definitely kill her.' The anger in him kept boiling and he said how could this hog, daughter of an old-starved-bitch be so callous to flirt with a man just after three months of given birth to a set of twin.' Chuks was aware of what was happening at the hotel for his very close pal had seen Ijeoma with a man going into the hotel room without Ijeoma knowing. Immediately he called Chuks on the phone and told him everything and asked Chuks to come to the very hotel if he thinks he is joking.
At ten minutes past ten in the night Ijeoma came in because the door was not knocked. As she came in before she could say any thing, Chuks shouted in anger you this whore were do you think you are going to and where are you coming from, have you finished your fun at the hotel in Badagry. By these words, Ijeoma was certain that Chuks was definitely aware of her extramarital affair. She immediately thought of what to do as Chuks was going into the room to lay Nnamdi on the bed, for he was sleeping. As Chuks was coming out of the room furious to skin Ijeoma alive, Ijeoma who was already carrying Nnenna in her arms, ran out of the house because she was certain that Chuks was determine to kill her.
After three months, Ijeoma didn't return the baby, then after the sixth months when Chuks didn't see Nnenna, he decided to live his life with Nnamdi. Chuks was determined to give Nnamdi the best training any father could give to his child and right from Nnamdi's primary school days his father had been introducing him into the world of philosophers, thinkers and scholars. Also Chuks disclosed to Nnamdi the power and mystery of printed materials, literatures of all kinds of disciplines. Nnamdi also learnt the art of listening to news and reading of newspapers, magazines and journals of many academic disciplines.
At twenty-three, Nnamdi was already a graduate in Law from the University of Ibadan and had graduated from the law school. No doubt, Nnamdi became a very brilliant lawyer and an intelligent handsome young chap. During Nnamdi's school days as undergraduate he didn't have time for girls for his father had always warned him that the easiest thing that could ruin the academic life of a young male student is women. This warning made him to avoid girls because he didn't want anything that would disturb his studies. It wasn't that he was afraid of girls or he doesn't have the drive to desire the opposite or because he was a born again Christian.
A year after, Nnamdi started his master's program in the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. It was during the completion of his master's program, that Nnamdi decided that the time had come for him to begin learning the art of women, since he wouldn't be a catholic priest.
A week before the graduation of Nnamdi, he was invited by one of his guys to a party at Enugu Campus in Enugu City. At the party in spite of the hot celebration, dancing, eating and drinking, Nnamdi found himself absolutely attracted to a girl. Nnamdi was uncomfortable for nothing of this manner had ever happened to him. He called his friend, Tony. "Tony please come, I want to tell you something.' Tony left the girl he was dancing with and went to Nnamdi. "Nnamdi, is any thing the matter?' Tony, you see there is this strange feeling in me towards that girl.' He pointed at a girl sitting alone close to another girl talking to her boy friend. The girl was wearing a sleeveless dark-blue and white stripped nylon body hug top and a black jeans trouser that glued to her body. Her hair was neatly and beautifully braided. All this with the expensive make-up she wore added to her natural fair complexion, made her aggressively beautiful and attractive. Tony asked Nnamdi, are you attracted to her?' Before Nnamdi said anything, Tony added are you falling for her, she is a pretty babe.' Nnamdi then said I've never had this sought of strong desire for a girl in my life.' Tony replied, may be this is actually created for you.
When the party ended, Nnamdi summoned courage and approached the girl. He walked towards two girls who where about to leave the party hall and said, excuse me please, pointing to the girl with the fair complexion. Can I have a word with you?' Nnamdi asked. She replied, okey but quickly, you can see my friend is waiting for me.' Nnamdi introduced himself to the girl, telling her his name and academic qualifications and his profession. She replied, my name is Gertrude and am a graduating student of Business Administration from this campus.
At the cause of their introductions, the girl began to feel strongly attracted to Nnamdi. And she accepted to visit Nnamdi in his house at New Heaven in Enugu city.
For about three months while Nnamdi was trying to collect all his documents from the university, his relationship with Gertrude each day became very intimate. They visited each other in turns but Gertrude visited more since Nnamdi stays alone. Some of the occasion when they are together, especially in the quiet of the cool evenings they kissed, romanced, and caressed each other. Nnamdi remained in Enugu for another one year because of some court cases, which he had to handle. Nnamdi had always assisted Gertrude and was always ready to assist her in all she needed.
One Saturday, Gertrude visited Nnamdi to stay through the weekend. On this her very visit she had been thinking of how to express her gratitude to Nnamdi for all his loving gestures towards her. Since, she didn't really have money, and even if she had, Nnamdi is already comfortable. She decided she would lay down herself, body, soul and spirit to Nnamdi.
After dinner that night they both went to the room holding each other so tight as if kidnappers are in ambush. As they entered the room, Gertrude put off the bright yellow light and put on the dim green light, then she sat on the bed. Both of them almost at the same time began to feel a hot desire boiling within them as if they were different bodies but one soul. Gertrude had already told Nnamdi while they were eating that she had something to give him that night. Nnamdi stood steering at Gertrude as she removes her earrings, necklace and wrist watch. The fire in Nnamdi kept increasing, that he never knew when he said, I'm almost consumed looking at you.' And she replied in a very serene voice, I'm almost iced to cool that fire.' As she was talking she kept on undressing her cloths. She removed her spaghetti top and threw it on the chair close to the bed. She turned and looked at Nnamdi and said, I'm all yours and all you see is yours.' Nnamdi could not utter any word. Gertrude smiled and said come on feel free, this night will be the best night in our history.' Before he new it, he had pulled off his short and his T-shirt.
They woke up the next morning each of them complaining that the night was too short. As they finished their breakfast that morning, Nnamdi looked at Gertrude and said, if you wouldn't mind I ask a question.' She replied, no I wouldn't.' Still with an exciting sensation he proceeded, the way you performed last night you seems to be at home with it.' Then sharply as if he didn't want words to finish in his mind he asked, was it your first time?' Her countenance changed. Seeing that he is still waiting for an answer, she said, no'. Then she added I don't like remembering them not even talking about them. They were horrible experiences in my life.' Her last statement made him to be more interested not mainly because of love rather as a barrister. He then held her hand and said, talk to me we're one.' She now said, okay let me talk.' She proceeded, I was deflowered when I was twelve years old, by my uncle, the last to be born in my mum's family. Since my mum is rarely at home, he asked him to stay with me. Most evenings he goes to some of his friends to borrow pornography films. Initially he watched them alone, after compelling me to enter the room and read my books. But later he began asking me to watch the films with him. So one night my mum wasn't in, after we had finished watching a porno from nine to about 11.45pm I went to bed before him. I tied just a piece of wrapper that covers my body from chest to my thighs and as I usually does with nothing under the wrapper. At twelve midnight he came into my room, requesting he will like to sleep with me. I thought he meant sleeping on the same bed with me; I shifted to create space for him. He then started caressing my neck and groping his hand into my wrapper, caressing my thighs. I asked him to stop it, that I want to sleep and I don't like what he is doing. When he realized that I was not cooperating, he ripped my wrapper open, and forced himself into me.' Nnamdi, who had been listening carefully like a judge hearing a case, shouted that is rape and a criminal offense.' He wanted to say the punishment to the offense of rape, when she continued, after he screwed me I was battered all over my genital, felt pain in my groins and bled until the next day, in fact I suffered vaginismus for about three weeks.' Even before Nnamdi asked if there were any other experiences, she continued, the second time was last year after my third year's exams. Before the exams two lecturers in my department picked interest in me and demanded I make love with them. When I told them I can't, the two lecturers told me without missing words that if I don't I will definitely fail the courses they lecture. And these courses were my major courses. Most of my friends advised me to give in, that I wasn't the first and definitely I wouldn't be the last, that it is no more an issue in Nigeria Universities. Since I wasn't ready to fail those courses I followed my friends' advice and I gave in. Both lecturers slay me on the same day in their office.' Nnamdi stood up from his sit, banged the dinning table and said these are not just aberrations but abominations.' He added, these are criminal offenses and I must take them up.' But Gertrude suggested they should forget the past and focus on the present. In conclusion she said, the way I performed last night which you praised as wonderful and professionally, wasn't that I'm a whore but I learnt them from those pornographies I had watched.'
Three weeks later Gertrude visited Nnamdi. And after their discussion, she told Nnamdi my bloom was marked.' He said, what do you mean by that.' She became unequivocal, I'm pregnant.' Before she came, she had already made up her mind to flush it out. But she was surprise to see his face grin and when he said, that's my baby.'
That same day was the day Nnamdi had decided to propose to Gertrude. So, he ran into his room brought out a white rose flower with three green leaves on a stalk. Within the petals there was an engagement ring. He gave her the flower. As she was admiring it, he held her right hand, took the ring from the flower and said, Gertrude would you remain mine and be the mother of my children.' Without saying anything she stretched her finger for the ring and hugged him.
Two weeks latter Nnamdi with his father, Mr. Chuks, who is already in his fifties decided to visit Gertrude's mum since Gertrude said her mum told her that her father had died while she was about four months old.
Gertrude had already informed her mother about Nnamdi's visit with his father. Her mother didn't go out on that day for she was happily waiting for her daughter's suitor and her father-in-law to be. Gertrude had finished preparing all sought of yum-yum for lunch with her guests. She wore her best traditional attire. She couldn't help sitting down when it was past two in the afternoon the time her guest were expected to come. At half past two there was a knock at the door. Gertrude ran to the door. She greeted Nnamdi's father, good afternoon sir.' Mr. Chuks responded good afternoon how are you?' She then brought out her hand to receive Nnamdi father's handshake. After that she embraced Nnamdi. Meanwhile Gertrude mother was adjusting something in her room. Gertrude ran into her mother's room to inform her about the presence of his suitor and his father. The sit Nnamdi and his father were sitting was backing the entrance to Gertrude mother's room. When she came out immediately her face was radiating with quizzical smile to indicate how joyous she was. Gertrude mother was almost a carbon copy of Gertrude and she was in her late forties. Gertrude began the introduction. She started by introducing Nnamdi. Mean while Mr. Chuks was looking at Gertrude's mother keenly as if he had met her before. Mum, meet barrister Nnamdi Chukwu. As she mentioned Chukwu and Nnamdi was about to introduce his father, Gertrude's mother winced her face when he held Chukwu. That moment Mr. Chuks recognized without doubt and with conviction that Gertrude mother was Ijeoma. Mr. Chuks cut in and said, wait a minute looking and pointing at Gertrude's mother, he said, are you not Ijeoma Okeke that callous whore.' Boiling in anger he shouted, this is a complete abomination.' He walked out of the house. Nnamdi and Gertrude couldn't understand what was happening. They were standing close to each other in an anguish of desire, stoned with astonishment. While Ijeoma, Gertrude's mother stood confused with her hands covering her face.
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