Are You Struggling In Your Executive Role? If So, Try Decoding Your Family

If you are struggling in your executive role, there may be a connection to your present work circumstances and lessons you learned in your family

. Consider Bob. Bob is a senior executive who recently received feedback that although he gets good results and is great in a crisis he needs to work at building relationships. It seems like he has a stone wall around him, and it impacts how people feel around him. They don't feel comfortable and he is hard to get to know. Because of this, he is not invited to everything he should be and there is a lack of loyalty on his team.

When you consider Bob's family dynamics growing up, this feedback makes sense. Bob grew up with an alcoholic mother. As a result of his upbringing (which wasn't much fun), he learned that one way to get through each day was to deny his feelings. He got particularly good at squashing down feelings of vulnerability, and he learned that when he felt a strong emotion, it was best to keep it hidden. His child brain concluded: "I feel hurt by you, and I am scared of what you might do, but I am not going to say anything because there is no point. Nothing gets resolved in our family anyway."

As Bob progressed in his career, he started to build a persona of being "in control." He was great in a crisis, but in his day to day interactions, he still had an emotional wall up. It was hard to relate to him. Do you think Bob felt fulfilled at work? No way! It was a lot of work for Bob to keep that wall up and it was draining to be in control and to be afraid of being personally exposed. But, not only was he unfulfilled, he was not as effective. The higher he climbed the corporate ladder, the more important relationships and influence became. He struggled with this beyond a superficial level.

If you are like Susan and you recently received feedback about your relationship skills consider what the root cause might be and start by looking at your family dynamics. When we are growing up, we are imprinted with an "emotional footprint." This is an emotional memory that is imprinted in our subconscious mind and can rear it's head from time to time. To better understand your emotional footprint, try writing your life autobiography. Start by writing about your life from the time you were born up until the present day. What you will find is that the memories that come up are often the emotionally charged memories that made an impression on you.

After writing, go back and analyze your work. Like a scientist decoding research data, pay close attention to lessons learned about career fulfillment, relationships, vulnerability, and taking risks. Also look for patterns - situations that have similar characteristics and happen repeatedly. By doing this, you will start to uncover your mental map, the map that you bring into every interaction in your executive role, and you will uncover "hook situations" - situations that hook you in and trigger your unproductive self - the part of you that operates from the place of self-protecting and survival, rather than your best self that is open, authentic, and engaging with others.

By uncovering these blind spots, you can start to put a plan together for moving forward, one that breaks unproductive patterns in your life, and moves you closer to a career that is deeply fulfilling and leads to lasting success.

Copyright (c) 2010 Natalie Michael

by: Natalie Michael

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