Behaviour And The Brain Could Be A Link To Infidelity In Marriage
From the point of view of behaviour and the brain
, what do we know about infidelity in marriage and what do we find when we search "trust after affair"?
Through exploring behaviour and the brain, let's look at whether infidelity in marriage is a choice or an uncontrollable reaction.
How the brain works is by constantly comparing what is occurring in
the moment with its billions of stored memories. An example of this comparison would be how the brain automatically associates a hot stove with danger. Similarly, when we see our loved ones, our brains generate pleasant memories.
How the brain engages next is by triggering our ability to reason and guiding how we take action. This is where we have real power over how we deal with infidelity in marriage. We may have no choice over what memories our brains choose to trigger (i.e. lust, desire, sexual attraction), but we have a choice over our actions.
Behaviour and the brain are intertwined because how the brain selects a course of action is something over which we have control. For example, if we pass by an ice cream store while being on a diet, our brains may trigger warm and yummy memories, or it may trigger memories of being self-conscious or unhappy with our body weight. After the brain recalls these memories in response to seeing the ice cream store, we have the ability to pause and to choose whether to buy ice cream or to resist.
Let's examine this process in the context of one wanting to stop an affair.
Before an affair:
A married person (Partner A), sees someone, other than their partner, who is attractive. Partner A's brain associates this person with memories from the past such as the desire to feel attractive, to feel loved, or to have fun. Or the brain can recall feelings of security and love from Partner A's wife or husband.
Partner A then applies some thinking and takes one of two actions: have infidelity in marriage or resist the
urge to have an affair. You can see that whether to stop an affair or not to stop an affair is entirely a matter of choice.
After an affair:
If Partner A doesn't stop an affair, let's look at infidelity in marriage from the point of view of the other partner (Partner B). After an affair, Partner B's brain goes through the same process of associating the situation with memories from the past, applying some thinking, and then taking action. Partner B's ability to have trust after affair is based on a combination of complicated associations and thought processes from previous experiences.
One thing is for certain: after an affair, both partners are changed permanently because of how the brain creates new, lasting memories from this action that may be evoked in the future. Whether there is a separation or not, these people need training to learn how to handle this new memory so that it does not have a hold on each of them in the future.
Neuroplasticity, which is the ability of the brain to re-wire itself, gives us reasons to be optimistic. It makes it possible for people to learn what triggers their behaviour and the brain patterns associated with them, and how to learn the abilities to take control of their actions so that they can make the right choices.
This gives people the ability to stop an affair in the face of temptation, or the ability to develop trust after affair, whether the trust after affair is related to their current or future partner. This gives us great hope for the well-being of families.
by: The NEXT Program
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