Beware of Pride in the Home

Beware of Pride in the Home

Beware of Pride in the Home

Pride is a poorly understood characteristic. Most of us think of pride as being boastful, conceited, or arrogant, but these are merely manifestations of the true nature of pride. Pride is specifically having enmity toward others. Enmity means "to be an enemy; to have a hostile or unfriendly disposition." When we have this enmity, we are competitive in nature.In spiritual matters, pride is our will in competition to God's will. The proud cannot accept the authority of God and cannot accept His giving direction in their lives. They compare their own accomplishments and knowledge to His. This enmity is expressed in many forms including rebellion, easy to anger, easy to offend, vanity, etc.In family matters, pride is our will in competition to the good of the family or our spouse. The proud cannot accept the authority of their spouse. They cannot accept that the spouse also has the right to make decisions and cannot accept that important decisions should be made together. The proud find themselves challenging the decisions of their spouse. The proud also find themselves angered by the challenge of another. The proud cannot accept that their own decision may not be in the best interest of the family. To be proud is synonymous with selfish, because the proud want a happy, successful, financially sound family, but only if it is according to their plan. They want to be in charge and they want the credit that comes with success. As a consequence, the proud seek to elevate their own position with the family and diminish the position of others. This leads to criticism of other faults and decisions, and rebukes on subjects they find sensitive (such as their own personal failures).The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis, "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. ... It is the comparison that makes you proud; the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone." The proud take a particular interest in what others think of their family. While having a happy strong family makes them feel good, feeling like life is better than someone else also makes them feel good.While many people view pride as a fault of the rich and learned, who look at the less successful and less educated with sardonic condescension, pride is most prevalent in the those at the bottom looking up. If you have anger towards a person you have never met, then you are proud. One's wealth or education should not inspire hatred. In fact, pride always exists with enmity. If you find yourself searching for faults in your spouse, if you find yourself dwelling on these faults, if you find yourself looking for ways to bring up or avoid a particular subject, and if you find yourself immediately angered by an insensitive remark then you are prideful. Disobedience or any unwillingness to listen to the suggestions of your spouse or a lack of willingness to change bad habits is essentially a prideful power struggle between us and our spouse. A proud person hates the fact that they have to be a part of a team, or even worse, should listen to the recommendations of another. This lowers their own position which is taken as an attack on their personal worth.Pride is particularly a manifestation of low self-esteem. We do not have a high opinion of ourselves and our capabilities and we're fighting desperately to succeed. When we succeed we take it as a personal triumph. When we fail, we wallow in self-pity. When we're tired, the family should stop everything that is important to them and take care of us. When we're offended, we hold a grudge, because this creates a debtor of our spouse and justifies our angry feelings.If there is pride in your home, it is damaging. The enmity of pride grows in a pernicious cycle. Once you start the pride cycle it gains momentum until the entire family derails.So how do you know if pride is in your home? I find a good measure is if you become angered by things that your spouse did or said, but would not become angry if your friend told you the same thing. If this is the case, then enmity has taken a strong hold in your marriage. If you ever find your will pitted against your spouse, then pride is in the home and most likely both of you are to blame.If pride has shown up in your family the key to resolution rests in the basic gospel principles of love, understanding, and mutual respect. Understand that both of you are likely prideful in your own ways. Understand that it is not your will vs. my will in leading the family, but that we both want the same things and the solution is mutual respect.

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