Bipolar: Anger Management Makes Anger a Virtue
The Bible tells us, "Be quick to listen, slow to speak
, and slow to become angry." (James 1:19) It also instructs us not to sin in our anger. But I am not aware of any place where scripture commands, "Never get angry!"
Jesus, himself, got angry and the Bible is replete with mentions - and demonstrations - of the wrath of God. Of course, He is God, so His anger is always righteous and never sinful. But, by saying, " . . . be slow to become angry" and do not sin in your anger, the Bible also implies the possibility that there may be times when our anger is not sinful and we have held it at bay long enough.
This is, indeed, good news for those of us who have bipolar disorder. We get angry. And, sometimes, that is a most healthy response to our circumstances.
So, rather than talking about how to control our anger, I want to ask the question, "How do we make our anger productive rather than destructive - or sinful?"
When you lose a job, anger may be a very necessary - and even therapeutic - response. I've been there - many, many times. When a friend betrays you, anger is not a symptom. It is Sane! Maybe the only sane response. God sent Judas to Hell. That does not give us the right to seek vengeance against our betrayer. But it does say that our anger is legitimate and even justified. In fact, there are times when not to feel and express our anger would damage our mind, body, soul, and spirit. Silently and semi-consciously hanging on to an unadmitted anger can turn it into the bitterness that eats away at our souls.
So, how do we make our anger productive? How do we turn it into a blessing? (You can hear more about Bipolar Disorder on my
Radio Show - Blessed with Bipolar)
When you feel angry, recognize and acknowledge that you are angry. Anger is a natural human emotion that, in itself, is not bad or wrong. And you cannot get past it without acknowledging it. If you bury it inside, there are two possible outcomes - and both are destructive. You will either eventually explode with rage or become mentally and/or physically ill.
Accept it as a natural human emotion that may well be appropriate to the situation and may even be the start of healing.
Let God know about it. Yell it out to Him - at Him, if necessary. He can handle it and He knew you were angry even before you did. And when you let God know about your anger, do not timidly whisper, "Dear God, I hope you don't mind, but I think I'm feeling sorta angry about this." Tell Him about it with all of the emotion and passion that you are feeling. Again, He can handle it. He's God. Abnd He will not reject you for it. He'll be happy to hear from you. (And if you don't believe in God, let Him know that, too.)
Identify the real source of your anger. This takes some courage. You have to honestly confront. Are you really angry at your spouse, for example, or are you just taking it out on him/her because you are frustrated with your job?
Go back to God and tell him that you forgive the person who is the object of your anger. You don't have to feel the forgiveness! And you don't have to tell the person - yet. Byut if you do not forgive, the anger will eat away at you. Tell God that you release the person from your anger. Tell Him that you forgive and ask Him to bless them. He will help you with all of this.
(Warning: do not attempt this step before you have done the others. It will not work) Assertively (not aggressively!) confront the real object of your anger. This is not an easy thing to do. It requires that you respectfully, but firmly and directly, express your concerns, frustrations, objections, to the person who is the object of your anger. It also requires that you state how their behavior affected you, your needs, and your suggestions for how to handle the issue in the future. All without exploding or allowing yourself to be walked over.
We sometimes fail to assert ourselves because we think it will be perceived as an angry attack. So, we go passive and bury the anger. At other times, we fail to asset ourselves because we confront the other person before we have understood and harnessed our anger. When that happens the confrontation becomes an angry explosion rather than a firm and respectful statement of our concerns, frustrations, needs, and suggestions.
Do the first five steps of the process before attempting an assertive, effective, and respectful confrontation of the object of your anger. That does not mean that you can feel no anger when you attempt an assertive confrontation. The anger may be an essential motivator. But you want to do this effectively (To get what you want out of it) and in order to make that happen you must first harness the anger. You don't have to get rid of the anger completely, but you do have to harness it so you can use it for good.
If you want to be assertive rather than aggressive, focus on the issue rather than the person. Without yelling (you did that part with God), firmly and respectively state to the other person your concerns, disagreements, frustrations, needs, and suggestions. This is not easy. But if you follow these steps, you can express your wrath without exploding, without causing more trouble for yourself and others, without being "quick to become angry," and without sinning in your anger.
Bipolar: Anger Management Makes Anger a Virtue
By: Richard Jarzynka
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