Can You Handle Marriage? Check It Out. 1st Part
Can You Handle Marriage? Check It Out
Can You Handle Marriage? Check It Out. 1st Part
But what do we see mostly? Failed marriages, destructive spouses, illy adusted families and destroyed individuals. Immaturity in relationship, a roving eye, lack of committment or poor financial state or fiscal infidelity - any of these can be the cause of a marriage's wreck.
Furthermore when one adds the troublesome mix of factors such as issue of having children, planning finances jointly, family ties, indeed it's a delicate brew!.
Hence, do a self evaluation of the following items before your rush to say "I do".
Will you be willing to make changes in your life to adjust to the new person - i.e your spouse?
Changing subtly, making few minor compromises here and there are easily achieved by most humans. This compromise oriented skill set plays an important role in one's married life.
As an example:
Frequenting watering holes, spending energy on sports, time with friends and casual acquaintainces - is the way of life of most unmarried men. So, after marriage , tone it down to one day. Now for most men, this is hardly an issue, They will do it. Now imagine - your wife frowns on it and wants you to give up your former life completely. You will be torn apart, isn't it. If you will follow this, a resentment will grow and eventually affect all aspects of life with her.
As you will realize, this is a timeless truth. A precedence for future shall be set by the way your respond to the adjusting capabilities of your spouse. If your spouse's dna is not to compromise on even small issues, then you can hardly expect her to do so on major issues. So if you are shocked few years later on the lack of ability of compromise in your partner, it will be quite sad.
Cash is King
A tricky issue it can be - after getting the money who will manage it? To illustrate, a known woman started depositing her salary cheques in her partner's bank account just after 3 months of going around together. Hey, I am not recommending this so quickly in a forming alliance though here the lady wanted someone smarter to handle her finances. Continuing the story further, in this example their mortgages, student loans etc. were taken easily taken care of.
The man in this case explained importance of fiscal prudence, timely payments to his wife, then handed the money control back to her. Ofcourse the debts were paid of by this time. This indeed worked well as he delighted in big vision impact and management whereas she through detailed handling of day to day was able add more value to her being a home worker aka just being a mom :-).
Before your marriage worthwhile considering who is doing what 5 to 7 years hence. Who manages what?
Housework - whose job?
House cleaning is a work in progress and needs constant attention. It is not exactly an exciting job!. Wise to settle this issue at the outset itself. May be do it on a weekly rotation basis. Issue is to communicate to both parties that neither one of them is a mere housekeeper rather it is a joint shared/divided responsbility. An honest division of work amongst the two regardless of job profile or income is mandatory. It will be sad day if only the wife gets saddled with the house work detail.
Do The Planning
For many married couples their plans or more or less in line with what they decided but once the kids were born - it does go awry. Having a 3, 6, 9 year plan can be helpful in removing a lot of uncertainities eventhough plans will change. Discussing them today will save you from a lot of pain in future. So, keep on reviewing them periodically. Use these time periods to do a reassessment and perhaps redefining of the goals as well.
Continued part 2
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Can You Handle Marriage? Check It Out. 1st Part