Can Your Marriage Ever Be The Same Again?
Can Your Marriage Ever Be The Same Again?
You have reached a crisis point in your marriage, and you are struggling with the question, can your marriage ever be the same again?
If only you could travel back through time to how things used to be. Life was great up until your spouse cheated on you. You loved your marriage, it gave your life real meaning. And whilst your spouse whines out their excuses, they probably loved the marriage as well. Just think about all the great times that you had together. After such a betrayal, will you ever experience that sense of being again?
Can your marriage ever be the same again? Is it not possible to go back to the way that things were before you found out about the affair? I wonder how many times that question has been asked and how many times it will be asked?
You might be wishing that you could go back to how things were, but ask yourself this question, why?
Somewhere in the good old days there was a problem, and that problem caused your spouse to have an affair.
For whatever reason your spouse made the conscious decision to have an affair. There might have been problems with your marriage but they decided that the best way to deal with it was to have an affair. Whatever your spouse says or implies, it is not your fault that they had an affair, the responsibility is all theirs.
You need to stop thinking about returning to a situation that is preparing the ground for where you are now. Something back then gave your spouse justification for their subsequent actions.
Can your marriage ever be the same again? Not if you want it to survive.
I have no doubt that you and your spouse had some fantastic times. There were probably happy vacations, quiet walks, romantic dinners, fun dates, and just being curled up in front of the T.V together. It gave you a sense of peace, of belonging, of fulfillment. With some justification you thought that you had a marriage that worked.
Everyone always seems to look back at the good old days as this wonderful place where everything was perfect. Rubbish. Everything will not be okay if your marriage can go back to what it was before the affair. Do not live in the past, you have to look to the future and how you can change your marriage for the better.
Life continually drives us forward. Each new day gives us fresh life experiences to work through and to learn from. What has happened has happened, and you need to be able to leave it in the past. You need to be able to honestly ask yourself how you want things in the future to be? You could be together for decade, so you need build a marriage that will make those years happy and fulfilling.
Can your marriage ever be the same again? I hope that you realize that it cannot. You need to be able to accept that fact in order to be able to move on. You will never have the same relationship with your spouse that you once had. It is not all doom and gloom as your relationship can become stronger than ever.
The affair has happened, you cannot pretend that it did not happen, and for a time it will cast a shadow over your marriage.
You will never forget the affair. If you work at healing your marriage you will be able to push it to the back of your mind and the pain will get less. However, no matter how deeply it is hidden, now matter how well your marriage goes, once in a while you will remember it.
If your are determined to take your marriage forward then make it better than it ever was, make it the marriage that you had always hoped for. It is possible to rebuild your marriage so that you experience something more loving, happy, caring, and fulfilling than ever you had before the affair.
Whilst it can be difficult to believe, those couples who do the necessary work to heal their marriages create an environment where they can turn their marriage into something truly special. They feel safe, content, and happy with each other. They learn to love each other all over again. What more could you ask for?
To move forward you have to is believe right at your very core that you want a better marriage, now and forever. Once you have that understanding then you can finally start to work at making it happen.
There are four things that you need to start building your new life together. No surprises when I say that the first and most important thing that you need is love. If you do not love each other, then your marriage will not grow. Love is the key stone to any true relationship. If you do not have love then you do not have that deep connection that is so necessary for a successful and meaningful marriage. You must be committed to your marriage and its healing. Both of you need to be committed to each other and the desire to build a better marriage. If only one of you is committed to saving your marriage then it will be difficult, if not impossible to save your marriage. This will take hard work. This is not going to be easy and it will take time. If you are trying to get over an affair, or any other problems, you will both have to work at strengthening your marriage for what could be months. That is life. But still, once what you do becomes habit then it will get easier.... You need knowledge. You could have all the love and commitment in the world, but if you do not know how to make your marriage better, then it might never happen. So long as you have love, commitment, and are ready to work hard then you can find the knowledge that you need.
It might sound deceptively simple but those four factors are all you need to get the ball rolling and create the marriage that you want.
To succeed you both have to have love, commitment and the capacity for hard work. Nobody can give them to you. This is your relationship, your marriage, your future. My personal belief is that if you have something worth saving then you should do whatever it takes. It might take effort, it might take a long time, but if you can make your marriage into something truly special, then you have something that is beyond value.
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