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A Good Foundation for Marriage

A Good Foundation for Marriage

We find that couples who are fortunate enough to have some degree of all of the following qualities have a good foundation for a future marriage:

1. Compatible values and goals

2. Mutual Respect

3. Admiration of some of each other's qualities

4. Physical Attraction

5. Affection

6. Emotional Intimacy

When we counsel a single man or woman who feels that each of these qualities is present in their relationship, we encourage them to get engaged. Of course, we explain that foundations must be built upon, and marriages don't run on autopilot. If a couple is willing to nurture all of these qualities throughout their marriage and is open to developing the skills that will enable them to do so, they can have a long and happy marriage, even with the ups and downs that life in general entails.

So, what should someone who is dating keep in mind as they ponder whether the person they are seeing is the person they can share the future with? First, their relationship should have each of the qualities we have listed. They can expect that some will be stronger than others. Next, they should confide in a happily married person whose judgment they trust. This person can answer their questions, give them encouragement, and give them a balanced perspective about married life. Third, they can be aware of the fact that during an emotionally intense period such as this, it isnt uncommon to have ambivalent feelings about even the best relationship.

Earlier in this article, we explained that the quality of the relationship has little to do with the emotions you may be feeling at a particular point in time. Its normal to feel a little panicked, and to want to be sure you are making the right choice. Its also normal to have a bad day, or an argument. Ultimately, it is the overall quality of a relationship that is important. Try to put everything into perspective. If the two of you have all of the qualities we have mentioned, and well as the willingness and open-mindedness that can help you build on the foundation you start with, the two of you can enjoy an enduring and loving life together

by: David Greenberg

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