Christian Relationship Help: How Core Wounds Trigger Overreactions In Relationships

Are you looking for Christian relationship help that shows you how core wounds trigger

overreactions in relationships? Childhood leaves us each with core wounds. These core wounds or core issues resurface repeatedly in relationships. They typically form the basis of overreactions to things that the other person does.

I was raised in a dysfunctional home where I took on the role of "the voice." I tried to get everyone in the home to see the problems, vocalized my concerns about the younger children, got angry at my parents, protected my mother and siblings, and told people outside the home the truth of what was going on in my home. As an adult, I continued to do this in my husband's family and my marriage. I tried to point out his parents' problems and our marriage problems. My core unmet need made me overreact to his unwillingness to listen. I got defensive and angry when I felt that I wasn't being heard. My husband's unmet need was to be appreciated. So, when I voiced complaints, he felt unappreciated. This resulted in an overreaction by both of us and set up the basis of our repetitive unresolved arguments.

If you don't recognize the root of your reactions in relationships, you will overreact to what other people do.

Here is a list of core needs:

To be valued

To be heard

To be appreciated

To be needed

To be loved

To be understood

To be acknowledged

To be wanted

To be approved

If your core need is to be loved, you will feel slighted when someone doesn't pay attention to you. If it is to be needed, you will be uncomfortable with someone's independence and self-sufficiency. If it is to be appreciated, you will be upset when people don't notice your efforts. If it is to be wanted, you will overreact to any type of abandonment or distance.

When a core need isn't met, the person will tend to be overly sensitive. This forms reactivity in a relationship where the person's reaction is more intense than it would ordinarily be. Anything that happens today that reminds someone of this past pain and unmet need will trigger a response that tries to prevent further hurt by demanding the need be met. Proverbs 18:19 says, "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city" (NIV). Unmet core wounds are strongholds in your life that you need to demolish by understanding how core wounds trigger overreactions in your relationships (1 Corinthians 10:4-5). This Christian relationship help will enable you identify these core wounds so you can take responsibility for calming yourself down before you react.

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by: Karla Downing

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