Communicating With Your Daughter -- 5 Things to Avoid

Communicating With Your Daughter -- 5 Things to Avoid

1. Making her feel like she isn't important.

Although you may not always see the importance in what your daughter is saying, it is very important to her. Brushing off what she says; being critical or opinionated about it will eventually shut her down from any further communication with you. Listen with an open heart no matter how irrelevant it may seem and she will feel that she can talk to you about anything.

2. Talking around her like she doesn't exist.

By discussing your daughter with someone else when she is standing in the same room without being acknowledged or a part of the conversation can be very embarrassing for her. If there is a need to discuss certain things then I would suggest doing it in private, however just allowing her to have a mind of her own and encouraging that she be part of the conversation will help her to feel like she fits in and that her presence is recognized.

There is a saying that I heard many times as I was growing up"Children are to be seen and not heard." In my opinion if there was ever a statement that needed to be rephrased, it would be this one. They have as much right to be heard as anyone.

3. Speaking to her using negative wordsdon't do this, don't do that.

We have been training our kids since birth to be negative by speaking to them using negative words. As an example how many times do you use the word "don't" when you are talking to your daughter? "Don't be late", "don't forget to do your homework", "and don't slam the door." By beginning to use more positive statements like "Be home early", remember your homework", "close the door quietly," you will see a tremendous shift in how your daughter responds and you will find that rather than react in a negative manner she will begin to gain more respect for you.

4. Telling her how she feels or how she is going to feel.

A sure fire way to get your daughter's back up is to tell her how she feels about something. We like to think we know how our children are feeling yet the truth is; we have no idea. Imagine for a moment that you are your daughter and you have just met this guy at school that you really like. Things go along good for a while and then something happens and your heart gets broken. In that moment you know exactly how you feel yet you go home and tell your mom and she says, "Oh I know exactly how you feel but you'll get over itit will pass."

You are not your daughter and no matter if you have had this experience in your life or not, you have no way of knowing how she feels. You aren't her and she isn't you. Letting her express her feelings to you while you just listen is the kindest and most endearing thing you can do and will only ensure that she develop a greater trust in you.

5. Speaking in a condescending manner.

"Why should I respect you when you don't respect me?" Have you heard this before? It isn't usually our intention to talk down to our children yet it happens all the time. By speaking in a condescending manner to your daughter she will experience an emotion and react accordingly. It is no different if someone spoke like that to you. A feeling would arise and you would react in conjunction with how what was being said was communicated.

By hollering at her or talking to her in a tone of voice that makes her feel that she is less than you, will cause her to rebel. There are only two emotions that encompass all emotions; one being love and the other being fear. Speaking to your daughter from love can only encourage a positive reaction whereas speaking from a place of superiority will emulate fear causing her to react in a negative manner.

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