Communication – It's Not What You Say, It's Who You Are that Counts
Communication It's Not What You Say, It's Who You Are that Counts
The purpose of a communication is to get a specific message across and hopefully to have your point of view accepted. To a certain extent, the effectiveness of that communication will be due to the rhetoric used. But that's only a small part of the picture. The most important factor in any communication is the perception conveyed by the communicator.
If people like and accept you, you can almost get away with murder. If not, your words will be lost in the desert. The reason for that is simple. Dale Carnegie gave us the perfect explanation when he said, "When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity"
People respond mostly on the emotional level and not on the logical plane. That's a fundamental fact but a very elusive one. Though we have almost daily examples and evidences proving the veracity of this assertion, we keep on acting as if it was not so.
To communicate, in almost very case, we must appeal to the emotions. That is, we must sell ourselves before we even attempt to sell our message. Without an acceptable level of approval, no real communication can exist. Personal acceptance has to precede persuasion. Before communication is possible, the interlocutor's comfort zone has to be penetrated.
That zone of comfort is like a credibility filter that monitors the approval factor. Simply put, when we approve of someone, our guards will be lowered enough to accept and consider what someone has to say. On the other hand, if we have antipathy toward someone, chances are very slim that we'll be ready to lend an open ear.
A prime example of that has been seen on the National scene with President Bush and his successor, President Obama. In many cases both have said essentially the same thing while using almost identical words. When Bush spoke, the message fell on deft if not antagonistic ears however, coming from Obama, those same words were praised and accepted as if they came from the Messiah.
We are the platform from which our message is delivered. If we present a friendly and sympathetic tribune, our discourse will be readily accepted. However if we come from a place of distrust or disapproval, our chances of being heard and believed are next to none.
All that to say that real and meaningful communications have to be based on mutual trust and mutual acceptance. That is the reason that any attempt of communicating should not be done before a mutual bond is established.
That bond is usually created with niceties and light remarks. What is said is relatively unimportant at this stage. What does matters is body language and voice inflection. Those are used to create a form of superficial courtship where the parties involved gradually ease into a state of mutual trust and acceptance. Once that is done, communication can start.
We are not creatures of logic; we are creature guided mostly by emotion. We respond more to body language than we do to rhetoric. Accurate communication is not easy; it's extremely difficult. The meaning and implication of words are not shared; they are personal. We constantly distort the meaning of a message so that it will conform to our previously held beliefs.
Those are just a few of the pitfalls of interpersonal communication. So, if we take it for granted that communication is a form of mutual hallucination, that is, partaking in a reality that is not shared, we won't be far from the truth.
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