Counseling - Fence Sitters - Insights For Dummies

Sometimes the feelings we have about our relationship make no sense

. Feelings of being trapped can seem so real. There isn't anyone holding you back physically, but what about emotionally? It's possible that you are dating or are married to the type of person I call a "fence sitter." It's a lot more common than people often realize.

A fence sitter never really fully commits to the relationship. No ladies, this is not something men are more prone to have trouble with. Getting legally married doesn't mean a person gets off the fence and gives it their all. Neither gender has the upper hand when it comes to fence sitting in a relationship.

Those who are dating or have married fence sitters often think the problem is about a lack of love. Love may have something to do the problem, but only a small fraction. Fence sitting is about avoiding making decisions for the health of the marriage.

Fence sitting people find themselves deceived into believing someone else can make them happy. They are looking for a rescuer. A fear of failure develops avoidance patterns in this person's area of decision making. They are more focused on what could go wrong than what could go right.

Those matched up with fence sitters face a stiff challenge. They have unknowingly been a part of the problem. Much of their time has been occupied trying to make up for this short fall of their mate. The fence sitter loves the help they receive. They won't be happy if they're now expected to take more responsibility for their life.

Those spouses who want more equality in the relationship will need to create new boundaries. As a result of the changes, some new friction points will need to be worked through. Stick with the process. The lack of participation in the relationship has become a habit for the fence sitter. You are expecting them to carry more of the emotional load in the relationship.

If you're a fence sitter that is ready to change, be patient. This sort of behaviour pattern is not a candidate for a quick fix. To a large extent, fence sitters have been taught to be helpless. Gaining competence in making marriage decisions is no different than any other area of life. It's important to start small.

Start by putting the marriage first. Most fence sitters put their work, children or relationships with friends and family first. They have learned to be relatively decisive in other areas of their life. The marriage is deserving of a greater amount of time and energy.

The payoff is tremendous. You're spouse will be happier for it. You will have earned more of his/her respect. Your feelings about yourself will definitely change for the better. Best of all, you will gain a lot of personal satisfaction for doing the right thing.

by: Chris Keenan

POST COMMENT

Baotuan can fight for more rights 3 Keys to Prospecting Success with the 2K System Partying In La Manga Vending Machines Make A Lot of Cents How To Get Quick Referrals Fast How to Train Viking Skills in Atlantica Buyers: a soft spot for Pierre Cardin The Answer to Your Fertiliy Problems is now Here! Cheap Atv Tires For Your Mud Thrower How Tt Get a Guy: Stop Judging The Way He Looks What's a good project? Pulse Oximeter finally made for those with COPD 4 Things to Consider When Choosing The Right Jeweler