Dear Dad: I Miss You

My dad was my superhero when I was a young boy

. He would comfort me when I was afraid of the dark. He would make me laugh when I was sad and he would prop me up when I was down. He showed me how to fish and he forgave me when I lodged a fishhook in his left ear. My dad taught me how to play hockey and to be a good sport. He was my mentor and he charted an inspiring course for me to follow in life. He was a caring father, a loving husband, a dedicated volunteer fireman, a popular minor hockey coach and a dear friend to those in need. He was a man of service and he truly earned his superhero status. I did not fully appreciate the contributions he made in life, until it was too late.

Why do teenagers think they know more than their dad does? I knew it was time to leave the comfortable home nest, when my dad and I started to butt heads. It was a typical father/know-it-all teenager relationship and we needed to separate in order to save the relationship. My "go west young man" calling and a six-day long train ride across the country resulted in a 5,000-kilometer separation. My mom longed for me with open tears, while my dad quietly missed his youngest son. It was an awakening of appreciation and gratitude for me. I did not realize how good I had it at home, until I had to start doing my own laundry and restocking the refrigerator. My dad was secretly proud of me for not returning home after six months with my hat in hand. Through a series of caring phone calls and intimate letters, our father/son relationship healed over time.

Superheroes are not supposed to die. He had complained about a sore back for over a year. His stubbornness to seek help was a weakness in his strong character. I was in my third year of university when the shocking news came. My mom was sobbing uncontrollably as she tried to relay the doctor's diagnosis. The late discovery of cancer became terminal and it would only grant him another three to six months to live. It did not seem fair that my superhero was fighting a loosing battle. I remember hanging up the phone and appreciating my dad more than I ever did before. The memories came flooding back with tears and sorrow. I felt some guilt and shame for the stress that I had caused him during those awkward teenage years. I wanted to make him proud and I felt cheated out of our future together. He would not be at my graduation and he would not hold his future grandson.

What do you say to your dad when you know he is dying? I flew home to see him one last time. As I marched into the palliative care ward, my mom warned me that he was slowly slipping away. The cancer had eaten away at his vitality. It was hard to look at the weakened shell of my once strong and proud superhero. I felt helpless and lost in the moment. I stood by his bed and held his hand and I whispered in his ear that I loved him. My father never really expressed his emotions. Like most men of his era, he usually kept his feelings bottled up inside his male pride. I reached down and hugged him close. I felt his protruding ribs, our hearts merged and something broke inside. My dad's tears poured out and I melted towards the door. It was an emotionally draining goodbye, as my dad cried out, "I love you too son"!

Father's day is gone, but my dad's legacy will continue on. At the end of the funeral, there was a long line of fire fighters, dignitaries, friends, and family members who paraded by, to pay their last respect to my dad. He was only fifty-four years old and I still think of him everyday. I would do anything to share one more laugh or cast one more fishing line together. If your dad is still here, please consider paying a living tribute to him. Call him, write him a letter, poke him on Facebook, tweet that you love him, link-in to his heart, or better yet, pay him a visit. My dad's legacy will continue on and it will be reflected on how I live my life. If there was one thing that I wish my dad had done more often, it would have been to say, "I love you". He showed me love, but he had a difficult time expressing love with words, until it was too late. It is my turn now. Dear dad, "I miss you". Dear son, "I love you".

by: Dr. Bobby Love

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