Divorce With Class And Courtesy

Your marriage may need to end, but it can do so without cruelty

. Remember, you did promise to cherish this person until death. You may want a divorce, but you can get one without being mean. Here are some tips to make things easier on your spouse:

1. You have given this decision a lot of thought, and have gotten used to the idea. However, your reasons for wanting out may not be as obvious to your spouse. He or she may need some time to adjust to your decision to leave. I'm not talking about weeks, but a day or two to think things over would be a small concession, and could well pay off later when you are trying to settle your differences in divorce court.

2. Don't let your partner think you could change your mind if it isn't going to happen. Counseling may be a good idea, but don't call it marriage counseling if you aren't going to try to stay together. If you do go to marriage counseling, work on your marriage. Don't go just to prove that the relationship is no longer working. Deceiving your partner on that score is cruel and unnesscessary.

3. Avoid sex.. If you don't, you will be misleading your partner by indicating that you could change your mind about ending the relationship. It doesn't matter what you say. Actions speak louder than words, and can easily be misinterpreted. Sex means a desire for intimacy to most people, and no one should find out later that it was just recreational.

4. Don't remind your partner if you have found someone new. No human relationship is perfect. When you and your partner first fell in love, you were just as idealistic. Maybe your new squeeze has qualities you've always looked for in a mate, but now isn't the time to brag about them. It is just rude, and being cruel won't do a thing to make your divorce easier.

5. When you pick up your kids, do it without your new love. Your new squeeze should not screen your cell phone calls or private email. Don't send child support payments, alimony checks or children's birthday gifts on checks from your new joint account. When the divorce is over, and things have settled, this will change. For now, however, your new lover's involvement in your life just seems like an insult to your current partner.

If your partner has hurt you, being kind may seem like a lot of needless work. If you or your children are being abused, leave as quickly as you can. However, if you are just making a change in your life, do it with kindness and respect. . Then, you will have reason to expect respect in return. If you end your old relationship well, you can start your new life with at least one less bad memory.

by: Lucille P. Uttermohlen

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