Divorced And Dating

Dating is hard enough when you're young, single and still idealistic about marriage

. Dating after a divorce presents new challenges and obstacles, especially if there are children. Before you start living the single life again, make sure you have fully worked through the breakup of your marriage. And make sure you are dating after a divorce for the right reasons and not using others as a distraction from unresolved emotions.

This is especially true when dating during a divorce, before it is final. Even if you were ready to leave the marriage and were the one who filed, it is still a stressful, emotional experience. You owe it to yourself and any children you might have, to end the marriage completely before you begin dating after a divorce in search of a new romance.

If there was abuse during the marriage, it is vital that you seek out counseling. The scars from physical and emotional abuse may not be visible but they will affect every future relationship, especially if you have not confronted the abuse openly. Likewise, if the marriage broke up over your spouse's infidelity, the feelings of betrayal, hurt and anger run very deep. Time is needed to heal and put the experience into proper perspective. It's important not to be cynical of all relationships, especially if your marriage ended badly. Being bitter for a while is natural, but if it starts taking over your life, you should seek out counseling to help get past the anger.

Some people want to immediately start dating after a divorce in order to find a relationship to immediately take the place of the one that just ended with the marriage. This kind of divorced dating is unfair to your dates and unhealthy for you. Before jumping into another committed relationship, give yourself some time to be single. Many people begin to lose their identities and sense of self when married, particularly in a difficult marriage. If you go out, keep it light and fun. Get used to being single and not part of a couple. Rediscover hobbies or find new ones. The more complete you are as a person, the better the odds your next serious relationship will have of lasting.

When you feel you are ready to start dating after a divorce in earnest, you'll find that between the divorce and kids, either your own or your prospective date's kids, it's a different experience. Gone are the carefree days of disappearing for a weekend on a whim. Dates will be more structured because of babysitting needs and family commitments, especially for single moms.

If you aren't sure how to go about getting back into the dating scene, check into social and support groups for divorced people in your area.

by: Sharon Peppers

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