Do You Make Your Child Feel Guilty? by:Sudha Gupta
Criticism, nagging and scolding by parents -in harsh or soft words
, on major or minor issues-destroys the self esteem of the child. But it may also rouse a very dangerous feeling in the child -that of guilt. This feeling of guilt can distort the way the child thinks about himself.
How do you react to his 'mischief'? Children are children. We often lose our patience when they act their age. But little do we realize that our repeated remarks like 'every time you go out, you create a fuss for having something or the other' or 'you are such a stubborn child' can make the child feel guilty of being a 'trouble maker'. As a result he may become conscious of his actions and gradually stop expressing himself.
How do you deal with his unreasonable 'wants'? Children don't understand why he cannot have everything he wants nor that one should pay to get something. But when children insist on taking some toy from the shop or somebody's place or bring home something without the knowledge of parents, mostly parents criticize the child for being greedy or accuse him of stealing. This makes the child doubt his intentions and feel guilty for being mean.
How do you take their naivety? Innocent remarks by children may cause a rift between the parents or the family members. Blaming the child for causing misunderstandings makes him feel guilty for the unhappiness caused to you. Don't burden your little child by holding him responsible for issues arising in the family.
How do respond to his failures? When parents express their disappointment or how ashamed they feel when the child loses in a competition or doesn't score good marks, it is the ultimate blow to his self-confidence. The child begins to feel he is not good enough. And he'll operate all his life from the understanding 'others are good, I am bad'.
How do you make him realize his mistakes? While disciplining the child, parents indulge in soft emotional blackmail like 'we love you so much, we have given you everything, still you misbehave or don't listen to us'. This can make the child guilty of being 'unworthy'. He may feel he is someone who doesn't deserve good parents. Well, the fact is that every child deserves good parents and good parenting which is entirely in your hands.
The child who is weighed down by guilt can never rise in life. Hence, point out to your child his mistakes in a way that gives him the power to improve and not feel guilty of them.
For your parenting related queries, write to the renowned parenting expert Sudha Gupta at
sudha_gupta@mothersprideonline.com Selected questions will win 'Celebrate Childhood' by Sudha Gupta. HAPPY PARENTING Click below for more articles
http://www.presidiumonline.com http://www.mothersprideonline.com About the author
As an educationist, she has single-handedly revolutionized pre-school education. Her thoughts have inspired parents and teachers to look at early childhood education from a new perspective. Her emphasis on overall development of child and not just academics has opened new window for tiny tots to blossom into extraordinary beings. Now this visionary has set her eyes to transform formal education system through Presidium, a proposed senior secondary school.
As an expert on parenting, she has given parenting its due importance and popularity. She conducts seminars and orientations regularly to guide parents about positive parenting. Her mission to transform parenting does not limit to a few thousand parents whose children pass out of various branches of Mother's Pride but millions of parents across the country through her publications in leading newspapers and magazines. As a social activist, Sudha Gupta's concern for the society and country is evident not only in her writing, but takes practical shape in the form of a NGO called Sparsh.
Sparsh has so far reached out to millions of poor, needy, mentally and physically challenged children as well as generous contributions have been made as aid to families of Kargil martyrs and Tsunami victims.
In just a few years, Mrs. Gupta has achieved more than what would ordinarily take a lifetime.
Mother's Pride is headed by the renowned educationist and sought after parenting expert Mrs. Sudha Gupta. Her vision encompasses not only children but parents, teachers and the society on the whole.
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