Do You Two Speak The Same Language?
While everyone knows about Mars and Venus, that doesnt explain why a simple conversation
can blow up or leave one feeling hurt, not knowing what to do differently. Finally, there is a dictionary that does just that, Why Dont You Understand? A Gender Relationship Dictionary.
Let me put this in perspective.
If I said to you, We need to rabbit, or Please, keep your hair on, or Do you read the daily agony aunt? youd probably think I had lost my screws. Actually, Ive got them all and they are in tight. These sentences are perfectly good, understandable English British English, that is.
Although we speak English, just like the British, we still need a translation:
1Rabbit: talk
2Keep your hair on = calm down
3Daily agony aunt = advice column
We expect English words to be different in England; however, we do not notice how they differ here in the U.S., according to gender.
To help with translations, theres a dictionary for British English. And now there is one for men and women.
Heres a sampling of four words that have different meanings to men than to women.
Intimacy
When men refer to intimacy, they mean making love. Such as, Lets be intimate tonight. Or, My wife hasnt been intimate with me for 6 weeks.
When women use the word, they refer to the emotional connection between a man and a woman, including sharing feelings.
Women need to feel close before wanting to make love, and men feel close through the act of making love. While both want to take the same intimacy trip, its like shes waiting at the airport while hes at the train station.
Purpose of conversation
The underpinning of relationships is communication, yet the very purpose of conversation is different for men than for women.
For men, conversation is to exchange or get information, to answer questions. Its factual.
For women, conversation is to connect, to relate to the other person.
Even with a simple conversation like a woman sharing a problem with a friend can erupt into an argument.
For the man, if her comments do not invite a response from him, he may remain silent, assuming if she wanted to share more, she would.
For the woman, his not responding says he doesnt care.
Silence
In addition to the above, theres another gender difference to the word silence.
Men often feel the most intimate with a woman when they are sitting quietly (silently) in the same room, each one in a separate activity. Or, sitting together watching tv.
For women, silence may not be a sign of closeness. If a man is not talking with them, they may feel he does not care. Watching TV requires no interaction, so it may not have the same meaning of closeness to a woman.
Silence, then, means closeness to a man, but abandonment or not caring to a woman.
Advice
When a man gives advice, he is showing his affection, his caring. Advice is a means of letting the woman know he thinks about her and what he can give to or do for her.
For a woman, when a man gives (unsolicited) advice, it is as if he is telling her she is stupid and cant figure out what she should do on her own. She may also feel he is talking down to her, treating her like a child.
So, keep your hair on, and listen to this daily agony aunt. If you learn to speak both male-ese and female-ese, you will enhance your relationship and feel better about yourself.
by: Dr. Karen Gail Lewis
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