Early Relationship Advice For Women - Why You Lose When You Give Too Much

Do you feel that you always give more in your relationships than you receive

? Do you take him out and cook him dinners? Do you wash and iron for him and clean up after him? Do you buy him expensive gifts and send him mementos and cards? Do you wonder why he loses interest when you couldn't do any more for him? If you are giving too much to a man in the dating and early relationship stages then you may unwittingly be condemning your relationships to failure. Here's why giving too much is not a good idea in the early stages of a relationship...

It is a well known fact that men love to impress! You meet a man you like and he invites you out to dinner. You let him pay and you thank him for doing so. He knows that you appreciated it and gets pleasure from this. This establishes a pattern for future dates. He enjoys treating you and you appreciate him. He enjoys your appreciation and he feels good. The relationship is off to a good start.

On the other hand, if you offer to pay for the first date, you do not give him this opportunity to impress you and you miss out on an opportunity to express your admiration for him. Again, you set a pattern in the relationship. You are subconsciously giving him the message that you wish to take on the male provider role in the relationship. This role is deeply ingrained within a man's psyche and a mature masculine man will not feel comfortable with this. You become like his mother. The more you give to him, the more he feels smothered. He starts to look for a way out and you lose.

Only an immature man will be happy with the kind of relationship where you give more than he does. If your new man is not happy to pay for you on a first date, this may well be an early warning sign. This type of man is not generally capable of giving very much and may be happy to be provided for. He is perhaps looking for a mother-figure. You may feel happy to give in this capacity at first, but as you find more and more that you get little in return, your energy levels start to become depleted and you build up an increasing level of resentment. Eventually when your resentment starts to rise to the surface, it will turn into nagging or anger. Once these negative emotions are out in the open, the relationship is no longer such a comfortable place for him and he will probably leave anyway. Once again, you lose.

Often a woman will give more because she feels that it is the way to win a man over. She thinks that if she showers him with gifts or if she shows him what a wonderful housekeeper she will make then he will see her as a "catch". However, relationships do not work like this. Men are more likely to feel pressurised and to be turned off by a woman who goes out of her way to please him. Men do not want a woman who is overly nice but one with a high proportion of self respect, who will not allow him to take advantage and walk all over her. Give too much and he will see straight through you. You will lose.

Of course, this does not mean that you have to let him pay for everything all the time unless you both feel comfortable with that. You should never abuse his generosity or take him for granted. However, make sure you keep your giving in check to retain the balance within the relationship. By holding back from giving you can learn much about a man's maturity level and find out if he is a giver or a taker. You can gauge his interest in you and the value he places upon you by observing how much he is prepared to give to you.

As a woman you should make sure that you feel comfortable to receive from a man. A mature masculine man will take pleasure in giving to his woman and will love being respected and appreciated for it. Now, doesn't that sound like a situation where you win?

by: Gen Wright

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