Empty Nest Syndrome - A Grief Response I Will Feel Twice
Empty Nest Syndrome - A Grief Response I Will Feel Twice
Our empty nest syndrome feelings will include grieving for their mother -- our daughter -- who will not see their maturation and achievements. It is sad.
I cannot believe I am saying this, but I will miss the twin's conversation and energy. Yes, I will even miss the loud, thumping music, running feet, high school concerts, and gymnastics meets. The house will be quiet again. Empty nest syndrome is more than a quiet house. It can be complex and, in some instances, lead to depression.
Jennifer Hellwig, MS, RD writes about syndrome responses in her After Fifty Living website article, "Empty Nest Syndrome: How to Cope When the Kids Leave Home." While the symptoms may vary a bit, she says they usually include feelings of sadness, loneliness, emptiness, and uselessness. Bottom line: empty nest syndrome is an expression of grief.
Parents may develop the syndrome after a child marries. According to a Psychology Today website article, "Empty Nest Syndrome," women are more likely to be affected than men. "Yet this doesn't mean that men are completely immune t it, the article adds.
The articles I read cited the same symptoms of the syndrome, with one notably absent. Empty nest syndrome is evidence of aging, a fact that cannot be denied. We are no longer the grandparents of teenagers, we are the grandparents of young adults. This is a huge life transition and admission.
The transition can be especially difficult for women who are going through menopause, notes Leonore M. Pomerance.
She makes this point in her Menopause Counseling website article, "The Empty Nest Syndrome is not a Mental Disorder." Empty nest syndrome evokes ambivalent feelings, Pomerance says, and this generates conflict. "We want them to go; we don't want them to go," she writes.
This is just how I feel about the twin's departure. I am excited about their college choices, but I will still be living in an empty nest. My granddaughter is going to a small private college and my grandson is going to a large state university. Not only will I miss their presence, I will miss seeing their faces, a genetic reminder of their mother. As Pomerance points out, "Their leaving not only marks an indelible change in the family's day-to-day life, it also marks the end of a role."
This is not true for us. Though my husband an I are no longer the twin's legal guardians, we will continue to be involved in their lives. We will be their support system, offer advice when asked, help them invest their inheritance wisely, provide a home base for returning college students, and get them through graduate school.
Empty nest syndrome was painful the first time around and will be just as painful the second. Still, we are GRG's, grandparents raising grandchildren, and will do all we can to encourage the kids. We will cheer for them twice as loudly, for us and for their mom.
Copyright 2010 by Harriet Hodgson
http://www.harriethodgson.com
Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for decades. She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Association of Health Care Journalists, and Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, "Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief," written with Lois Krahn, MD is available from Amazon.
Centering Corporation has published her 26th book, "Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grie to a New Life" and a companion journal with 100 writing jump-starts. Hodgson is a monthly columnist for the new "Caregiving in America" magazine, which resumes publication in August. She is also a contributing writer for the Open to Hope Foundation webiste. Please visit Harriet's website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.
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