Eulogies are the happy way to say goodbye

Eulogies are the happy way to say goodbye

Eulogies are not given at every funeral and that is a shame. After all, surely everyone deserves to be remembered for the mark they have made in life? So if there is a death in your circle try to ensure that someone gives a eulogy.

Eulogies are basically a celebration of a life. Obviously if you are bothering to have one it is because the deceased was a special person or meant a lot to you in some way. Eulogies, then, sum up the life and achievements of the deceased in a concise way.

It is well worth remembering that you are not writing a lengthy essay when you are writing a eulogy. You don't have to give every detail of the life of the deceased. What you are doing is doing a summary of where the person was born, how he lived and how he died. So you don't have to talk about the fact that he lived in fourteen different locations by naming them. You simply have to say that he was a wanderer and moved house many times.

Eulogies should have as their emphasis the good qualities of the deceased. They should mention his kindness or his helpfulness. They should speak of how he raised money for charity. They should give a picture of the deceased by saying something like, "Mark was a great linguist, played the piano at parties, loved gardening and was a member of the Red Cross". That says a lot about someone in a short sentence.

Sometimes people are asked to give eulogies for a neighbour or a colleague they don't know well. In that case it is important to do some research and find out some personal details about the deceased. We have all heard a priest trying to say something positive about someone who has died and it is quite obvious that they didn't know him well and so they struggle with words. So ask a relatives or friends and build up a picture for yourself before you write the eulogy. Say whatever kind thing you can say yourself and add it all together.

If the deceased had a religious belief say so and you will probably give comfort to those grieving if you speak of his being in Heaven. For many this does not apply and your must give comfort by saying the deceased will live on in their family or in happy memories.

Eulogies should, if at all possible speak of a life well lived and a person well loved. If that wasn't the case it is more difficult but it's challenging to see what you can truthfully say about a troubled soul. After all everyone has some good in them.

Eulogies are a public tribute to a private person. Whether you have lost your father, your mother, your sister or brother paying public tribute to them helps with the healing of your grief. It also means that you can share your family memories of them with others who mourn. When someone dies, of course, you have people to notify, notices to insert in the paper and a funeral to arrange. Writing a eulogy might be the last thing on your mind. Yet in a way when you are talking to other family members and friends you are gathering information about the deceased that would give you lots of material for your eulogy.

Someone might say how generous the deceased was and give an instance of that generosity. Someone else might mention his or her wonderful sense of humour. Again you might hear something you hadn't realised about his or her career. Then of course, there are your own thoughts on the subject. When someone you love dies you think of all the times and activities you shared. Wouldn't it be lovely to put them into words that will be remembered? It's not as hard as it might seem. It is a question of saying what is in your heart.

Sometimes, of course, someone dies in the fullness of time. While we grieve for them we are glad that they have had a full and long life. At other times, though, we are grieving for someone younger who has been cut down in their prime. Alternatively, and probably saddest of all we are grieving for the loss of a child.

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