Fans of Formula 1 Racing
What a wonderful and diverse world modern Formula 1 is
. It offers a mystique, a sexiness, that no other motorsport can offer. Exhaustive research and analysis is carried out every year on the people that make up the F1 audience. We're told F1 supporters are intelligent, articulate, usually affluent and posses a "worldliness" and sophistication that has seen multinationals clamouring over themselves, pouring billions into the sport to try and associate themselves with the F1 brand.
Well for the first time, I have conducted my own highly technical and scientific research (I spoke to a couple of my mates down at the pub) to compile the definitive F1 Fan study. This should be essential reading for all the marketing directors out there.
THE SCHUSCIPLE
Distinguishing Features:
Exclusively wear scarlet red
Know that F1 started in 1991
Have had chin augmentation surgery
Located
Everywhere - they're like damn cockroaches - they just keep multiplying.
Favoured Products
Anything endorsed by St Michael of Maranello
Favourite Saying
I hope it rains, that will the "Rainmaster" at his best
Schumacher is the greatest of all time because..............
Schumacher is so great he could win in any car (this saying has recently been heard less often)
Marketing Tip
If you want to sell something to the Schusciple, either paint it scarlet red, or feature a picture of the man himself - no other work is needed.
Be prepared to spend $8 billion (Schumacher's current rate for an endorsement)
OLD SCHOOL
Distinguishing Features:
Believe Formula 1's glory days were circa 1520
Juan "Johnny Come Lately" Fangio marks the decline of Formula 1
Vehemently opposed to such ridiculous introductions as seat belts, brakes, helmets and engines.
Located
Zimmer frame or public library
Favoured Products
Gramophone
Wireless (no not the internet connection - radio)
Favourite Saying
I remember when...............
This will be the end of Formula 1
Marketing Tips
Unless your client owns a funeral home or manufactures hemorrhoid cream, don't bother.
GREASE MONKEYS
Distinguishing Features:
Lack of personal hygiene
Pungent Odour (see above)
Inability to communicate to the opposite sex
Drive $2000 vehicles with $150 000 modifications
Wardrobe consists of a variety of overalls (usually team colours)
Located:
Head firmly buried in an engine or "performance" magazine
Favoured Products
Anything that makes a vehicle louder (performance enhancement optional)
Favourite Saying
No-one has actually heard them speak, other than some grunting noises
Marketers Tips
Make sure all advertising has a big picture of an engine
Use little of no text (due to illiteracy)
TECHNIUMS
Distinguishing Feature:
Acne
Thick Rimmed Glasses
Bad Posture
Pocket protector
Usually single
Located
In front of a computer
Favoured Products
Any hi tech material known by an unpronounceable word
Favourite Saying
McLaren's new engine material - jargonium - is so advanced it's not even on the periodic table ha ha
Pinnacle of Motorsport
Marketers Tips
Any product or service should have the suffix of "ium"
Ensure that advertising is placed is Modern Metallurgy and is written entirely in nonsensium
F1 DISCO BUNNIES
Distinguishing Features
Easily distracted by bright shiny objects
Will do anything to be associated with an F1 "insider" (even 5th reserve driver will do)
Don't enjoy loud noises
Think the pit markings are a really big line of their favourite chemical
Located
Team hotels/motorhomes, usually in a perpetual horizontal position
Favoured Products
Anything shiny
Favourite Saying
If you can get me to meet Fernando I'll make it worth your while
Marketers Tips
Any breast enhancement product
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS
Distinguishing Features
Believe in the FIA = Ferrari formula
Believe Max Mosley is trying to ruin the sport
Located
In F1 forums posting latest wild plan of Mosley to destroy F1
Favoured Products
Mifepristone
Favourite Sayings
OK, so the 2006 Formula 1 season is exciting, that's got nothing to do with Max's changes
No longer the pinnacle of motor sport
Marketing Tips
Other than a "Max Is Satan" t-shirt not much you can sell this lot
WANNABES
Distinguishing Features
Their cars have 5 point safety harness
Wear a HANS device when doing the shopping or having a shower
Disproportionately developed neck muscles
Located
In front of the X-Box honing their skills for the pending call up to the show
Nearest kart track honing their skills for the pending call up to the show
Favoured Products
Any Formula 1 branded product
Favourite Saying
F1 is the pinnacle of motorsport
Kimi has great racecraft
I could do better than Ide
Marketing Tips
Stick an official Formula Logo on any piece of crud and they will lap it up
GRID GIRL CONNOSEUR
Distinguishing Features
Calluses on the inside of their hands
Blurred vision
Located
In front of a computer screen downloading "adult" entertainment
Nearest girly bar
Favoured Products
KY - Gel
Favourite Saying
Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Marketing Tips
Stick a picture of a gorgeous babe on any piece of crud and they'll buy it.
Also largest consumer segment of "enlargement" techniques.
Fans of Formula 1 Racing
By: James Sawyers
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