Favoritism: The Damage That Can Be Caused And How To Repair It

We all know what it is like to feel a deeper emotion for one person than for another

. Sometimes that person is a friend or even a family member. When that person is an adult, it can be hurtful to be the less favored one: when that person is a child, real damage might be inflicted and this can have a permanent, long reaching effect on the childs emotional health. Psychological articles show that baby boomers are as susceptible to human failings as anyone else and favoring one child over another should be noted and stopped at earliest opportunity to avoid a long lasting effect.

The problem is: do we know we are doing this? Are we aware that our adoration of, say, a son over a daughter or vice versa, might be ruining the childhood experience of an innocent child? Psychological articles tend to suggest that we are actually aware of our favoring affections for one child over another, and that we do actually admit to them when questioned whether we love one of our children more than another followed by an anxious assurance Of course, I would never let them know This reassurance is an empty and insincere platitude and in fact, children are usually well aware that a brother or sister is favored.

The pain that might be felt by a child when he or she discovers a brother or sister is loved more is beyond the experience of adults lucky enough to not have been subjected to such cruel treatment. The child loses his or her sense of self worth; experiences doubt about their own abilities; gradually loses closeness with the parent and ultimately loses trust in that parent. It is all about loss. As baby boomers our childhoods are somewhat in the distant past but we all know how is feels to be marginalized and made to feel less than someone else in the opinion of someone we love.

A childs trust in a parent is all encompassing and when children are very young, below the age of ten, information is absorbed in sponge like fashion. Rejection at this age can color a persons self esteem for the rest of his or her life. The preference for one child over another might seem quite discreet to the person doing the favoring but the unpleasant truth is that most children are perceptive and intelligent and know when they are being overlooked in any way.

Baby boomers sometimes extend their preferences to their grandchildren, perhaps enjoying a closer relationship with a daughters children over the children of a son. The reasons for this are actually quite easy to analyse. A daughter will likely take her mothers lead in the raising of her children; therefore a sons child will probably be closer to his wifes parents. Baby boomers make an effort to treat all grandchildren equally but some fail to make the grade, leaving one or more children feeling left out in favour of the children who either live nearer or are the children of a daughter rather than a son.

by: Dr Karen

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