Filipino Dating

Filipino Dating

Filipino Dating

My father was never a man of few words, always very firm and expressive about what he expects from his daughtersuntil the day that he found out that I was dating a non-Asian. Given, it probably wouldn't have been so shocking if he hadn't found out when he saw us kissing in the car! But, still it was not a day I want to relive. FYI, just to state the obvious, any form of PDA is not a very good way to be discrete about a relationship your father doesn't know about. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to have my boyfriend drop me off in front of my house in the first place. Yet, it was only a matter of time before my father found out. And as a young Filipina who loves and respects her father, I expected no less than an hour long lecture of why it's not only wrong to lie, but also many reasons why I shouldn't date men outside of my race and culture. Instead, I got a punishment much worse.

For three entire days, my father gave me the silent treatment! He absolutely refused to speak to me for any reason, even to say something as simple as, "hello" when I walked through the door. The first day, I was enraged and didn't feel that I deserved to be ignored because I was dating an American guy. I thought, "what's the big deal, it's my life." So I decided that I would play his "silent game", until he came around and forgave me. There was no way he could stay mad at his little princess longer than a day right?! Wrong! He didn't' budge. The next day, I decided to swallow my pride and soften up a little. I tried making small talk about something random on t.v to distract him from being angry, but got no response. He rejected my poor attempts to communicate and went outside to smoke one cigarette after the other-something my dad only does if he's really ticked off about something. But if he was so angry why wouldn't he just yell at me?! Why couldn't he just tell me that I was wrong for lying and that he was disappointed that I wasn't dating an Asian guy? I just felt like screaming, "talk to me damnit" at the top of my lungs! Anything was better than being ignored for 3 days!

Finally on the end of the third day, I did what most girls do when they can't get through to their stubborn fathers. I complained to my mother, hoping that she would give me some good advice. Ok, I was mainly hoping that she side with me of course! But even after begging her to talk some sense into my conservative father, she refused to be our mediator and told me that my father was upset not only because I lied, but because he thought his opinion about who I should date didn't matter to me. I guess I hadn't really seen it that way. I was more concerned about how awkward I was going to feel when I brought up the subject of my non-Asian boyfriend who I had tried so hard to keep under wraps. Well, not that hard clearly! Luckily, even though I never really discussed the subject with him in a mature manner, my father began speaking to him and seemed like he was even getting used to the idea of me dating outside my race. And so we danced around the subject for days, weeks, and even years. Almost 3 years now to be exact. Yes, my boyfriend and I have dated exclusively for almost 3 years and I have never formally introduced him to my father, well not counting the time they accidentally bumped into each other! Talk about AWKWARD! But that's a story for another time.

So my advice to other young Asian women who have strict parents and are thinking about interracial dating is: Be open and honest about your relationship from the very beginning. It just gets more awkward down the line if you don't. Besides, the more lies you spin, the more difficult it becomes to untangle yourself. And believe me, your parents, be it your father or mother, or both, will appreciate your willingness to be honest and that will make them feel like their opinion matters even if you believe it's your life and they shouldn't get involved. The truth is, they will always be involved, whether you want them to be or not, so just keep the lines of communication open. Otherwise, you might end up introducing your boyfriend to your parents on your wedding day!

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