Find out how the past is hamstringing your attempts at your divorce recovery

Find out how the past is hamstringing your attempts at your divorce recovery

How to Recover From Your Divorce: Characteristics to help you create a life of abundant love, passion, & happiness, Part 2:

Resolving your childhood loses, trauma, wounding, hurts, & deprivations

This is one of the four aspects of developing a 'secure' attachment as I began revealing to you in the first part of this article

series. And already I can guess what you're thinking, "What good will it do me to look at my past? I can't change it, and I don't

want to drudge up stuff that happened a long time ago anyway. Anyhow, I had a good childhood, and my parent's did the best they

could; I could have had it a lot worse. Not to mention, I really don't remember all that much growing up anyway. Plus, what

the hell's the past got to do with my current difficulties, problems, or challenges? I want solutions and results for my

present, not the past."

Most people would agree with you the past is useless, you can't change it, and they don't see the relevance to the present

struggles & problems, much less to the future.

Let me ask you a question: Have you ever had a song stuck in your head and you can't get it out? Have you ever gone to bed

with that song in your head and woken up to the song still in your head? I know I have!

Well, this is what the past is like. It's like a song you know by heart and simply repeats over and over and over, without

stopping or changing. You know the lyrics, you know the melody, you know the beat, all by heart. In fact, you know it so well

you don't even realize it's playing in the background. Is this hard to believe? Let me ask you another question: Have you

ever been driving home, tired, and realized all of a sudden your practically at your front door and didn't remember most of your

drive? I know that's happened to me to. I just get so used to taking the same way home that when I'm tired it's like I'm on

auto-pilot and I'm home without even realizing I had traveled as far as I had. The past is just like this. It runs and repeats

without you even realizing it.

Or have you ever watched a movie repeatedly? Think of your favorite movie - got it? How many times would you say you've seen it?

For me, it would be Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, or the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And if you're like me, I bet you can quote

your favorite movie quite easily. You look forward to your favorite scenes; however, have you noticed the more you watch your favorite

movie the scenes you once found so powerful or impressive or exciting or scary have lost some of their punch? I remember the

first time I watched the movie, "The Strangers". Holy cow was I scared! It was one of the scariest movies I'd ever sceen because

of the way they played on the sense that this could really happen. I loved it so much because it was such a great thriller I bought it.

Yet when I finally watched it again 6 months or a year later, it wasn't scary. In fact, I was bored. I knew what was going to happen

before it did, even though I'd only seen the movie once! It was actually a let down. How can something that was so exciting and

terrifying become so dull and boring? It's because I was used to it; it wasn't new, my mind and body had adapted to the experience.

Your past is just like my experience of "The Strangers" or your favorite movie you've seen hundreds of times. It's FAMILIAR. What once

stood out at the moment is now common-place. It doesn't seem like a big deal to you because it already happened. Unfortunately, just

like the song that gets stuck in your head, your past still plays on and on, whether or not your realize it.

In fact, you are so used to this song you look for ways to keep it going and get frustrated, offended, hurt or angry when someone tries

to interrupt your song by changing a lyric, part of the melody, or the beat. When someone isn't singing right along with you, it causes

problems, difficulties, & conflict.

And realize, just as you have a song in your heart and mind, SO DO OTHER PEOPLE YOU'RE CLOSE TO only the song they've learned over the years is

A DIFFERENT SONG THAN YOURS! What this means to you is while you're singing and dancing to your favorite song, others are doing

the same...and you both expect the other to get in sync with each others' song and dance steps! Are you beginning to see why you might

be having the same arguments? Why you might have the same patterns and habits with friends, co-workers, your children? Why the same stuff still

'sets you off'? Why you may be stuck in the same problems, challenges & difficulties you've had for months or years?

The song you've learned, or the script you've memorized is your attachment style - the messages you've (unconsciously, for the most part)

internalized about love; how loveable and acceptable you are, how likely it is someone will meet your needs, AND how you go about loving

someone else, how you respond to them and their needs. And this song/script is the internalization of the messages you've received

throughout your relationship history growing up, especially the three to five years of your life.

Stay tuned for the second part of this article where I'll continue to reveal to you how your past effects your present - and future - and what

you CAN do about it!

P.S.: If this article was helpful to you, encouraged or supported you, or if you learned something new or were reminded of something

you needed to be reminded of - let me know! I'd love to hear from you!! Also, if you think it would benefit someone you

care about, please do them a favor and "pass it on!"

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