Friendly, Curious Listening
Listen to the person who will challenge you if the teacher
. Hang your agenda temporarily. Became friendly and curious. See what you learn.
We all know that listening is a good thing, and we must do more than that. There are many things that can occur in the way. If you do not care, do not have time, do not want to hear what is said or I think it's a waste of time, will hamper service.
Listening is more than just close your mouth. Listening is a skill the true multi-layered and complex. But it is essentially a decision to put aside your agenda and be present and attentive to someone else. This can be an extraordinary act of courage and generosity.
When you listen to someone else to tell you really actively the other person. "I appreciate you and what you have to say and give you my attention, time and energy while you talk, I will do so because if you say something and I do not want to hear."
Kind, courageous and listening is easier when you take a position on the sympathetic curiosity, especially when you hear something makes you uncomfortable. This requires stopping the agenda for some time.
For example, the use of Susan, a director in the global software company, to think fast and make quick decisions and act on intuition. When she faced angry one side of the sales managers him that she was shocked 1. But soon moved to defensive anger. He focused his attention to avoid the attack of his manager, and that his agenda has become emotional. And therefore, can not really hear is.
The conflict between them, it is not surprising, has not disappeared. With some incentives, Susan tried something new. Became curious about what was happening with the manager and showed interest in a friendly in what he said.
When she approached him in this way, a pleasant surprise Susan Sales Manager in anger almost immediately begins to melt. They went to a fruitful discussion on this issue he was concerned. I also heard a challenge to future issues, which were invisible to them.
While Susan was surprised, the process can be very unpredictable. When you listen to people, they feel "heard" and value. Most people really appreciate it! Thus, they will give up often closely guarded, angry and attitudes.
You do not have to abandon your program, just put aside long enough to take in what is happening to someone else.
Curiosity is the best ally you have here. And a warm friendly curiosity or, even better. And calls for someone else to call and get in touch. Can also be a nice country that promote learning. This is a powerful basis for productive work of any kind.
Action:
1. When someone challenges you, note how they interact. Notice how your body, emotions and thoughts can go to the defensive every familiar pattern.
2. Note how this form of defense affects how you feel, about yourself, about your relationship with the person who challenged you on the activities that are involved.
3. When in custody or defensive, knowing all of the emotional agenda. Are you aware of how close this other person?
4. Practice aside your calendar (s) of how things are supposed to be for a few moments. See what opens up for you.
5. The exercise of curiosity and friendly. Play with him as an attitude of warmth and openness. When you are ready, try it in a conversation with someone who challenges you.
6. Notice how the curiosity and goodwill can not only change how you feel and act, but how it affects those you are involved.
7. If you know someone who could benefit from this information, please pass this information. This can be a friendly way to start a discussion about the connection.
8. Subscribe to the newsletter Edge consent.
Barbara Bouchet worked, MED, CCC, Prime partners point of contact, on a large scale with executives, managers, owners and managers of companies for more than 25 years as executive coach and psychotherapist and facilitator of the group. Facilitates clear thinking, and the safety of a large, productive relationships, and effective communication, conflict resolution and strategic decision-making, and innovative solutions to business problems. Their clients include Fortune 100 companies, as well as in medium and small. It is accredited by the Council, was formed by the College of Executive Coaching, and a member of the International Federation of the coach.
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