Get Over Guilt: Tips for Caregivers

Get Over Guilt: Tips for Caregivers

Get Over Guilt: Tips for Caregivers

If you are a caregiver and have intentionally caused physical or emotional harm to another person, feeling guilty would be an appropriate emotional response. However, if you are feeling guilty because you sometimes lose your temper, or because you aren't always as loving, kind, and patient as you would like to be; and you have sometimes wished for your loved one's suffering to just end, you may be wasting a lot of energy on an emotion that has no benefit to you or your care receiver.Caregivers often get caught up in a spiraling cycle of anger followed by guilt. They feel guilty for losing their tempers, for having negative thoughts, for wanting a little free time for themselves, for not being able to keep promises, for family conflicts, and for sometimes wishing their loved one would just die. Whether guilt is being imposed on us by others, or whether it is self-imposed, it is important to remember that it often leads to feelings of resentment and depression. Before you accept the responsibility and take on the guilt for something you did or did not do, examine your motives. Think about how you were feeling mentally and physically at the time, and then ask yourself the following questions: Did I intentionally cause harm to another person? Could I accept, explain or forgive that behavior in someone else? Is this feeling being imposed on me by someone else? Can I change what happened? Does my guilt benefit my care receiver? Caregivers often have unrealistic expectations of themselves. They want to do the right thing, and they are constantly putting pressure on themselves to put their care receiver's needs first. They think they should always be loving, patient, and kind. But the truth is, we're human, and when our own needs aren't being met, it becomes increasingly difficult to meet the needs of someone who cannot take care of him/herself. Caregivers often confuse guilt with regret. Remember that guilt is the feeling we experience when we intentionally cause physical or emotional harm to another person. Regret is different, in that it is a feeling of sadness or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. We regret a loss or a missed opportunity. It's perfectly normal and acceptable to regret how your care receiver's life and your life has changed as a result of an illness or injury. It's natural to feel tremendous sadness and disappointment over the progression of a disease, but it is not healthy for you to stop living your life and accept the responsibility for your care receiver's condition. You didn't cause it. You can't change it. If your body is still healthy, if you can still pursue a career, if you can enjoy being with family and friends - feel grateful, not guilty. The next time you feel the Guilt Monster closing in on you, try reframing your thinking. Instead of thinking, I feel guilty about . . . say something like, "I am angry with my care receiver, and I regret that I have negative feelings toward him/her right now." Or, you might say something like, "I need some time to myself, and I regret that this causes stress for him/her." Another variation might be, "I am carrying a heavy burden, and I regret that I feel resentful about that." It is important to remember that having negative feelings doesn't make you a bad person. You are perfectly entitled to feel all of your emotions. However, if you are experiencing feelings of guilt because you have intentionally caused physical or emotional harm, or if you are afraid that you might cross the line and hurt someone, seek help immediately. Every state has at least one Elder abuse helpline that offers support to caregivers. You can also call the national Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 for information and referral. HelpGuide.org is a valuable resource for information. If you are feeling overwhelmed by your caregiving demands, they recommend the following: Request help, from friends, relatives, or local respite care agencies, so you can take a break, even if it is only for a few hours. Get involved in a caregiver support group. Enroll your care receiver in an adult day care program. Take care of your own physical and emotional health. If these symptoms are familiar to you, and you think you might be depressed, contact your doctor right away. You may need medication and/or counseling. If you're having problems with drug or alcohol abuse, get help. Understand that caring for an aging, chronically ill, or disabled person is extremely stressful. You will get angry. There will be times when you say and do things that you wish you hadn't. And there will be times when you don't like the way you feel toward your care receiver. When those things do happen, give yourself permission to be human. Say you are sorry when you should. Allow yourself to feel and express regret for the emotion or event, and them move on. You will feel more positive and energized when you focus on something that makes you feel good about yourself and your care receiver.

POST COMMENT

10 Great Tips for Playing Poker Lose Fat From Belly Tips What is the Best Natural Product for Blackheads - a few tips "Golf" Shooting in the 70s, Golf Tips V - The Golf Swing...Discover Your Perfect Golf Swing Now! Tips on Selecting a Water Purifier Become A Voice-Over Actor With These Six Tips Tips For Getting The Best Orthodontic Treatment Client Care Tips For Your CNAs - Mouth Care Some Useful Tips For Flipping Queens Fixer Uppers Top 10 Tips to Choosing the Perfect Engagement Ring Without Breaking the Bank How to Choose a Good Stand Mixer - 3 Tips Easy Tips For Jewelry Appraisal Captivate men-5 Hot tips on how to Captivate men