Getting The Right Counselling For Your Marriage

Failing marriages are always hard on the couple

. Unlike what most people would think many couples struggle very hard at saving their marriages. However after going through multiple counselling sessions and making no progress they tend to despair. Most of the marriage counsellors are working very hard to make sure couples are reconciled.

Let me point it out with an example. A couple after going through many counsellors ended up with a new one. The husband asked what could this counsellor could do that the others were ineffective at. The wife however admitted that the other counsellor had been successful but each time they would just go back to their hostile state during the intervals between sessions. Admittedly here the fairer sex made the correct observation. More often counsellor fail to take into consideration this aspect of the couple.

A lady once complained about her previous sessions once. She said that she and her husband would argue so much that it would take them more than half an hour just to get to the topic of discussion. The allotted time would be over in their constant argument after which they would silently go home and wait it out till the next session to vent. As they would have people understand the counselling got things worse.

So what we have here is that there are too many issues to be addressed and there is not enough time. So with couples seeking something different in the next marriage counsellor. So let us state a few obvious things that can be expected from couples to do while going to a new counsellor.

First, find a competent counsellor. Just as you research before going to a doctor, research the counsellor properly prior to seeking marriage counselling. Seek a marriage counsellor who feels confident with it.

Second, determine your counsellors attitude toward marriage. Again, dont be afraid to ask about their stance regarding marriage. Some counsellors are neutral about marriage and dont actively try to save a marriage. Instead, if there is too much conflict in the marriage, they will encourage separation and divorce.

Third, seek a strength-based counsellor. With this training and orientation, many counsellors will tell you everything they see that is wrong with your marriage. Of course this only serves to make matters worse if this counsel is not coupled with observing and building upon the strengths in your marriage.

Fourth, seek a counsellor willing to offer clear and specific guidance. Sitting with a counsellor who only does reflective listening can make you feel good temporarily, but you need an emotional surgeon, willing to make incisive comments and observations. This wont always feel good, but you will sense you are getting to the heart of the matter. If you dont have a sense that you are receiving specialized, skilled, decisive direction, youre not getting your moneys worth.

Finally, find a counsellor who is available to you. Good marriage counsellors arent afraid to go that extra mile and do everything to protect your marriage.

by: David Botham

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