Glory Of Gloves
Gloves may be the single most useful invention ever made
. Surely not, you say. Surely that particular invention is toilet paper? Well, yes, you may have a point there, but gloves are certainly an invention that has revolutionized the world.
Think about it. How many uses do gloves have? How often do we have to protect our fingers and our opposable thumb (that which separates us from many a mammal)? Gloves are used to insulate us from cold, to guard us from heat, to protect us from nasty, sharp, pointy things that would damage our delicate palms and pinkies, and to shield us from things that would wear down our skin into a mass of blisters and pain. These days, gloves are worn to protect us from the smallest of invaders - germs.
Gloves have been around for ages. Soldiers wore them back in the medieval times when they were called gauntlets and shielded their hands from nasty, sharp, and pointy things called swords. Very useful indeed. At the same time ladies wore them to protect their fingers from unwanted eyes. (It was a good way to get out of doing your nails!) But even before the Middle Ages, gloves were in season. The Greeks - the inventors of all things civilized - had gloves for gardening, gloves for winter, and gloves for war. Sure they weren't the sleek leather drivers gloves worn by James Bond; they were probably gloves in the way that cordless phones of the 1980s were "cell phones", but they were still gloves; they did the job.
Gloves come in all shapes and sizes (well, not all shapes and sizes - not the size of a large cow for instance, but within reason). You've got fingerless gloves, mittens, fingerless mittens, gauntlets, but no fingerless gauntlets; that would not be good. Gloves went from a utilitarian object of use to a decorative object of fashion, and then a combination of both. Elizabeth I wore them back in the sixteenth century, all covered in bling - though they didn't call it bling back then, at least not in the presence of the queen. Jewel covered accessories were all the rage among those who could afford them, and if you couldn't afford them, you wore gloves made out of chicken skin-very soft, widely available, and going "cheep." Well, before they became gloves at least.
Who can say too much of gloves? The very thought of them inspires poetry. It's a wonder more hasn't been written on the subject.
Oh, wondrous gloves! Callooh! Callay!
From ancient times until today,
From underground to outer space,
You've saved us all, the human race.
From cold and splinters and from goo,
From picking up the doggy doo,
Prevented H1N1 flu.
And thus we owe you, so past due,
A great big, splendid, "Hey, thank you."
by: Art Gib
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