Ground Rules

Ground rule one

Ground rule one. Never compare. I am talking about the issue of becoming a gladiator now, you are in a fight, you are in an argument, you are in a conflict - never compare. "You're like your mom." "You're like the dog."

Ground rule two. Never use absolutes. "You always." "You never." "Every single time...."

Ground rule three. Never fight in the bedroom. Last week we talked about sexual intimacy in marriage. I encourage you to pick the tape up if you missed it. Make love not war in the bedroom.

Ground rule four. Never challenge your spouse using money, sex or the threat of divorce as leverage. Never challenge your spouse.

Ground rule five. Never change lanes. You may be losing in a particular conflict and because you are losing and getting slammed, you think, I know what I will do. I will change the subject to another argument, another issue. I'll confuse them.

Ground rule six. Never play the reporter. You know what reporters do? They interrupt people. What is an interview? Ed Young says, a reporter is talking to someone and before they are finished with one answer, the next question is on the way. Surely we don't have anyone who interrupts their spouse in the heat of battle, do we? Let your spouse finish the sentence. Take a deep breath after you think they are through. And if you think they are through and you have taken one deep breath, then you can speak. But during the deep breath, oftentimes they will take the ball and run again with another comment. Make sure you let them finish what they are talking about. Don't play the reporter.

Ground rule seven. Don't become a scorekeeper. Don't become the old scorekeeper. "Well, two weeks ago I won and I am leading in this marital gladiator business one to nothing, so I am going for an undefeated string here for the month of April. And I am not going to lose. I am sorry, I will not lose." Don't, don't, don't do the scorekeeper thing.

Ground rule eight. Don't become a psychologist. "The reason that you are acting the way you are is because your parents put your diapers on too tight."

Ground rule nine. Don't play the historian. You know who the historian is, don't you? You look back into the marital microfiche and bring back arguments, conflicts that were going on even in your dating relationship. Don't do that.

Finally, ground rule ten. Never quit. Never, ever, ever quit. And that is talking about commitment. Never give up. Never, ever give up.

by: Ed Young

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