Heavy rock, catsuits .. And a voice like mariah carey's

Heavy rock, catsuits .

Heavy rock, catsuits .. And a voice like mariah carey's

Inside the astoria, london's prestigious music venue, the air is thick with smoke and sweat.

Guitar riffs as heavy as lead bludgeon the air, overlaid by a hysterical falsetto emerging from a man executing star jumps in a pink and white ftichisme du latex.

On a musical landscape peopled today by shiny tv pop idols and achingly hip guitar acts, this can only be one band.

"get your hands off of my woman, motherf***eeeeer!" screams the lead singer at a pitch so high it's lucky the astoria provides plastic pint glasses.

Welcome to the sublime and ridiculous world of the darkness, lowestoft's very own glam-mock-rockers.

"i've got about 30 catsuits now," says justin hawkins, the man with the falsetto. "my wardrobe's about the biggest thing we're transporting round the country at the moment."

For tonight's gig he is torn between the pink-and-white catsuit and the silver. "or maybe i'll wear gold-and-white trousers? Or black leather ones? I just don't know."

The darkness - justin on guitar and vocals, his brother, dan, on guitar, frankie pouillain on bass and ed graham on drums - first filled the astoria in april.

It was a remarkable feat for an as-yet unsigned band and paved the way to musical stardom. Now, after almost a million sales of permission to land, their debut album, they are back as part of the televised carling homecoming series.

"give me a 'd'!" screams justin to the ecstatic crowd. He is in black leather trousers now, with a tattoo of flames rising from his groin as if his pants are on fire.

"give me an 'arkness'!"

This year has been a tale of two justins. One, a gorgeous britney-spears ex: justin timberlake, a slick, street-dancer with the face of an angel. The other a skinny, chest-baring lunatic with freddie mercury's overbite, some suspect dance manoeuvres and the voice of mariah carey.

They can both hit the high notes - but only justin hawkins harbours an ambition to build an on-stage "arse de triomphe" for their first stadium gig.

"it'd be a big arch made out of a bottom," justin says. "we'd come out through it to play. But that's only for when we start playing stadiums and arenas..."

As if the homecoming documentary weren't enough homage to this is spinal tap, you can't help remembering the 80s when the spoof rockers built little henge, a styrofoam "tribute" to the somerset stone circle.

"don't start," justin says.

The band's current project is an assault on the christmas charts, with the tongue-in-cheek rock ballad, christmas time: don't let the bells end, the chorus sung by a swaying group of doe-eyed schoolkids.

How on earth have they got away with children singing "bell end" in a christmas single? (for the pure of heart, 'bell end' is slang for a particular part of the male anatomy. Use your imagination...)

"how do you mean?" justin asks, inno full well what i mean.

"well, if you want to think of those connotations..."

He laughs. "ok, so we're rumbled. I first thought of it a couple of years ago. If you must know, the second line is 'let them ring in peace', so the kids also sing 'ringpiece'."

"we were working with an american producer and he didn't get it all," says justin. "he kept complaining that 'bell's end' didn't rhyme with 'ring in piece".

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