Help For An Addict's Family

The realisation that a family member is an addict can be a shock to the system

. The addictive behaviour is often damaging and results in actions that would often have been unthinkable before their "drug of choice" took a hold on them.

It's enormously difficult to live with someone who is dependant on something that is ultimately killing them, socially or physically. The pain of it is too much for most people. The natural progression of addiction often leads to alienation from the ones they love.

Because you don't want them to indulge their addiction, you will either try to prevent it or unwillingly enable it. But how do you figure out how to help them? Is what you're doing enabling their behaviour? Living with an addict is a tricky business. As their disease progresses, they become more manipulative and this is never good for the person who loves them.

Adddicts often become highly deceptive, even if the rest of the time they are honest and dependable. They deny where they have been and what they were doing even after you already know the truth. This behaviour causes the family involved a lot of shame and anger. Many times they will offer excuses for the addict, attempting to hide or cover over their mistakes.

Don't try to completely shield the addict from the results of their behaviour but recognise that most of their actions are simply not in their control. Don't become angry and abandon them, an addiction is all consuming, all powerful and they are likely punishing themselves far more than you can know.

Helping and supporting an addict can be an arduous undertaking. It's a mistake to believe that you alone can help them change. This is completely wrong and will probably end up in cycles of abuse for you and the rest of your family. Above all addicts can't control their behaviour. It's not reasonable to expect an addict to change just because they want to do so. If they could, they wouldn't have become addicts in the first place. This is why you can't expect to be able to control their every action. It cannot and will not happen, and will lead to disappointment and resentment over time.

As a loved one of an addict all you can do is be loving and supportive. Encourage them to seek treatment but don't demand it. Treatment will only be effective when the addict is ready to fully admit the extent of the problem and is ready and willing to seek professional help.

Whatever you do, don't blame yourself for their behaviour, but don't succumb to their manipulations and lies either. Doing nothing is not going to make things better, promises to stop are ineffective. You need to make sure that you don't enable their behaviour in any way.

You may never have dreamed that you'd find yourself living with an addict. But there are literally thousands of accounts of addicts who have successfully entered treatment and made an almost miraculous recovery. Hold on to the belief that some day your patience and support will prove to have been worthwhile.

by: David Congreave

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