How Can I Save My Marriage When My Husband Says He Doesn't Want Me Anymore?

I recently heard from a wife whose husband had told her that he didn't want her or love her anymore

. Apparently, he wasn't yet sure if he wanted a separation or a divorce, but it was pretty clear that, in one way or another, he wanted out of the marriage.

This news devastated the wife. She admitted that their marriage wasn't perfect, but who has a perfect marriage? She certainly didn't feel that their problems warranted a divorce. And hearing that he no longer wanted her simply crushed her. In response, she was doing everything that she could to change her husband's mind to "make him want me again."

However, the husband wasn't responding to any of the wife's attempts to draw him back to her. If anything, her attempts to make him want her again seemed to repel him even more. He just seemed irritated by the whole thing and told the wife that she should just "accept it" and move on.

The problem was that the wife wasn't sure if she could or even wanted to do this. She could not accept the thought that her marriage might be over. She had known and loved this man since she was young adult. In many ways, they had grown up together and they knew one another better than any one else on earth. There was so much history and shared experiences that she was floored that he would turn his back on her and walk away.

She asked me if there is anyway for a wife to save her marriage when the husband doesn't want that wife anymore. In my opinion, yes, there are ways to make him want you (and the marriage) again. But, this often requires a series of small steps that are actually quite deliberate, but are designed to look easy and coincidental. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Getting A Husband To Want You Again Often Lies More With Gradually Changing His Perceptions Than In Abruptly Changing His Mind: Many wives in this situation are understandably in panic mode. They know that their husband wants out and that the next step is likely going to be his leaving, moving out, pushing for a separation, or filing for divorce. So, the wife can feel quite pressured to do something huge to get the desired result.

Unfortunately, this usually backfires. What typically happens is that the wife will either make promises she can't keep, act in a non genuine way, elicit negative emotions, or generally just appear to less than her best self. All of these things can strengthen the husband's negative perceptions about the wife and the marriage.

The thing is, most wives feel that they have to change their husband's mind and make him want them very quickly. So, because they feel they need a dramatic reaction, they'll try dramatic tactics. While this is absolutely understandable, it can set you up to fail because it can contribute to a loss of control and it can you appear less than you truly are.

Think for a second about what needs to happen in order to get him to want you again. He has to go from doubting his feelings about you or feeling negatively to feeling quite positively. So, as you're formulating your plan, ask yourself if it makes you appear more attractive or less so. Ask yourself if it's more likely to draw him to you or make him doubt you even more.

Because at the end of the day, it's the perceptions that you need to change. It's unrealistic to think he'll change his mind on a whim or all that dramatically in a short amount of time. But, if you are able to slowly change his perceptions, then these are the first steps to changing his mind. This process needs to feel very genuine and natural in order for him to trust in it.

Him Wanting You Again Is Usually Not The Only Obstacle To Saving Your Marriage: Admittedly, hearing a husband say that he doesn't want you anymore is quite painful. So, it's natural to focus on this aspect of the issue. But be careful that you aren't focusing on this issue so heavily that you can no longer see the big picture.

Because his saying that he doesn't want or love you anymore is sometimes a symptom of a bigger problem. And, it's sometimes said in the heat of the moment or is a projection of other issues. So, it can be important that you don't place all of your focus on this but instead use it as a wake up call to take some measured actions.

You'll want to worry about his overall perceptions rather than only on the question of whether he still wants you at this particular moment in time. I know it's tempting to ask him to quantify or define his feelings on a regular basis, but this can do you more harm than good. You're usually better off setting up the situations and the behaviors that will contribute to him changing his perceptions about you. Once this happens, the rest begins to fall into place.

Showing Him The Woman You Know He Wants: Here's something that you may not have considered. You already know the woman who turned your husband's head and engaged his heart. That woman is you. You know what attributes worked for you when this happened and you can certainly call on them now.

Sometimes when I tell wives this, they'll say something, "well I'm not that pretty young thing anymore. I have kids. I have responsibilities. We aren't the same people." I do realize and respect this. But, I have to tell you that when I speak with men in this situation, your looks aren't the things that they focus on. What they often discuss is how they used to feel close to you because of the way you made them feel. They thought you were fun, engaging, and easy to talk to and be around.

But many tell me that they no longer see this side of you because you're always busy, stressed, or distracted. Honestly, it's my opinion that you don't need to be beauty queen in this situation. You just need to be genuine, enthusiastic, and the best version of the self you already know he loves.

And, in the days and weeks ahead, you will need to show him this woman without placing all of your emphasis on how he feels or whether he's changed his mind. You want for him to begin to change his perceptions gradually so that this change lasts.

I absolutely understand where you are right now. A couple of years ago, my husband flat out told me he didn't want or love me anymore. But, eventually, it dawned on me that the tactics I was using to get him to want and love me again were not working. Luckily, I was able to change course and return the intimacy and affection. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/.

How Can I Save My Marriage When My Husband Says He Doesn't Want Me Anymore?

By: Leslie Cane

POST COMMENT

Philips 32pfl7675h Lcd Tv Ladies Fashion Clothing Choose The Dress That Suits The Occasion Everything About Philips 32pfl5605h Led Tv Leggings And Ladies Tops Women Hip Hop Clothing The Style Check Of 2010 Why women rate Polo Cologne as their favourite scent for men Women Designer Hats Are The Hottest Fashion Accessories Of 2010 Christian Marriage Advice - How it Can Help You to Beat the Divorce Trend Wife Emotional Affair Distress A Pride For Women Fashion Designer Necklaces Obesity effects women, how can HCG Help? Women's Activewear - Is It Really Possible To Exercise In Comfort and Style Would It Help Save Our Marriage If One Of Us Leaves For A While Or We Take A Break?