How Do You Get Your Husband To Want You Back? I'll Tell You
Last night, I received an email from a wife who had recently separated from her husband
. The separation had most definitely been the husband's idea. The wife's heart was breaking every day that he was gone. She said she could most definitely feel him slipping away and she feared that they would eventually divorce. She asked me" "how I can make him want me back?" As it stood, she was contacting him quite a bit and trying to "work things out." This did not seem to be working very effectively. I advised her to change up her tactics, which I will discuss more in the following article.
Step One In GettingA HusbandTo Want You Back: Step Back Some: I knew that this advice was going to scare the wife to death and it did. She was afraid that backing off would allow him to venture further away. I had to explain to her that holding on too tightly was the absolute worst thing that she could be doing right now. Pushing herself onto him when he had asked for space was only going to make him want to wiggle away that much more. Also, when things are so easy and readily available, then you do not value them as much. This is true of all of us because it is just human nature. When you are able to pull off the perception that something is precious and desirable but scarce, then it's going to be perceived as that much more valuable and attractive.
When I told the wife this, she kept saying "yes, but you don't know my husband. He will not respond well to this." True, I don't know the husband. But this behavior is human nature. It is our basic instinct to want something that we perceive will make our lives better. Someone who is following you around and demanding to know "why you are doing this" and hurting them in this way is only going to read as something that makes your life worse and causes you discomfort so you are going to want to avoid. This is the hard wiring of human beings.
Step Two In Getting Him Back: Improve Yourself (And Your Marriage) In His Eyes: It's highly likely that right this very minute he's wondering if this marriage can be saved and if this woman is someone that he should want to go back to. Her goal should be to put positive images in his head when he thinks of her. Now, she can't control memories or perceptions of the past. But, she can control the images that she puts in his head from here on out. She did not believe this, but she was at an advantage. She already knew what attributes he perceived as attractive. She already knew how he liked for her to look.
Now, I was not advising her to do something that made her uncomfortable. It was vital that she remained herself. But, there was nothing that said she could not show him the version of herself that he saw when they first met the fun loving, laid back, excited girl who was full of energy and hope. Wasn't this going to be more attractive than the doubtful, fearful woman with the down cast eyes that he was seeing now?
Step Three In GettingYour HusbandTo Want YouBack: Stay Busy, And Let Him Chase You: In order for the wife to be able to pull this off, she needed to keep herself busy. If she sat home and played sad songs and pulled out all of their scrap books, she was going to want to call him constantly or drive by where he was or generally make herself appear to be clinging and weak. So, I advised her to keep as busy as she could so that she just would not have the time to dwell on the situation as it was.
I wanted for her to see friends, enjoy her hobbies, and do the things that she found fun, engaging, and interesting. I wanted this for a few reasons. First, the contentment and excitement from these things were going to show on her face and in her attitude when she saw him. Second, this would help her to cope and feel better emotionally. Finally, he was much more likely to perceive her as valuable and attractive because the image that she would be putting in his head to consider would no longer be the depressed, clingy and high maintenance woman that was making a pest of herself on a regular basis (which he had already responded negatively to.)
When I was trying to get my husband to want me back, I made many of the mistakes discussed in this article. I stalked, begged, threatened, tried to overcompensate, and acted very badly. These things back fired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course, follow the steps I just outlined for you, and save the marriage. You can reada
very personal story on my blog at
http://isavedmymarriage.com/ How Do You Get Your Husband To Want You Back? I'll Tell You
By: Leslie Cane
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