How To Be A Dvd Rental Tart

Perhaps you never thought you'd be a tart: you pictured yourself as a Wasp

, perhaps, with pearls and white furniture.

You are not entirely sure what a Wasp is but you saw it in your mother's copy of Home and Garden which was actually not your mother's at all, no, it was dogeared at the dentists, on that special low table where they keep the magazines.

If your mother had read an American magazine it would have been the National Inquirer because your mother is vulgar.

In any case, your mother only read English magazines like Hello but the effect was much the same.

She is vulgar. Not like you, you are not vulgar at all.

Still, you're on the internet and you're looking at a DVD rental site and you think: yeah, sure, tart, why not?

You are not entirely sure what a DVD rental tart is either but you gather it involves watching films and not paying any money.

Both of these activities are appealing to you, this is a time of recession after all, although the recession hasn't really affected you since before it started you worked at a branch of Sainsbury's supermarket and you still work at a branch of Sainsbury's.

On your lunch break or after work you look at the DVD rental sites and contemplate becoming a tart but all the trials look small, so small.

They seem to practically shrink before your eyes and the shrinking makes it less likely that you'll be able to sit with your feet up at the end of a long day and watch a film, watch even a newly released film, and think: yes, I am a DVD rental tart.

What with all the shrinking you almost abandon the idea altogether but then you look at a site that compares DVD rental free trials you notice that these are much longer and you're placated.

Some of these free trials are as long as thirty days and they come with free items as well which you will be able to squirrel away and save for a special occasion, such as when your mother comes around for tea.

Yes, your mother still comes round for tea, though she insists on having it in a mug instead of in the nice china and she would probably not want to watch your free DVDs either if she knew about them, though you are certainly not going to tell her.

You don't like Lovefilm because that is the most popular and therefore the most vulgar site. You prefer smaller sites. Yes, even if the discs take a little longer to come because a measured pace is the opposite of vulgarity.

by: Julia Cook

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