How To Encourage a Healthier Mother Daughter Relationship
How To Encourage a Healthier Mother Daughter Relationship
Are you wondering if things between you and your daughter will ever change?
Mother daughter relationships are often very challenging and can cause a lot of grief for both mother and daughter.
Do you remember when you were a child....the things that you and your mom use to fight about? Think back about some of the things that she would say to you and then think about how often you say those same things to your daughter.
Having my own daughters I became very aware that a lot of the things that I was saying to them were the exact things my mother had said to me. I often found myself thinking, "I sound just like my mother."
I got to experience being on the other side of the spectrum not feeling respected and always fighting with my daughters.
This is a pattern in our lives that has continued through many generations and until it is broken it will continue to happen. It will repeat itself over and over again. It isn't something that we look forward to or want to happen, it just is.
Our children pick up on our energies, which come from the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that we are programmed with. This is particularly noticeable in our daughters and makes getting along with them sometimes very difficult. It is like being on a roller coaster. There are times when it can be really great and other times where you feel afraid, nauseous or even anxious.
You wish things were different or that something would happen to change the situation. It can be very challenging and sometimes we aren't willing to look at what is really going on in the relationship. We begin to feel like we have done something wrong.
When you ignore what is going on, complain about it or begin judging it, you are only allowing for more of the same to happen. If you aren't willing to make the changes necessary to stop it, chances are you will be witnessing the same thing with her and her own daughter.
All mothers and daughters want the same things; love, understanding and acceptance. By communicating with the energy based on your negative thoughts, feelings and beliefs you are adding fuel to the fire.
Be the energy that you expect her to be. Communicate from the energy of now and not the energy from the past and you will see things begin to shift in your relationship.
It is said that up until the age of 7 a child is duplicating a parent's reality. They are basically downloading beliefs so they can learn how to get along in the world.
Being a parent begins with you. As a mother you need to feel balanced and secure within your own self so that you can provide that strength to your daughter. You learn what you live and as a mother you only know what you learned as a daughter.
As a mother you always want the best for your daughter and as a result you tend to mold them into how you want them to be or feel they should be. As much as you want the acceptance from your daughter, they want the acceptance from you. They are not you, any more than you are them. It is about accepting them for who they are without the judgments and opinions. Begin to notice how you judge your daughter or the things she does. Whether you are saying it out loud or thinking it, your daughter will pick up the energy from it thus feeling unaccepted for who she is. Every time you have a thought about her ask your self, "Am I judging her in any way?"
Daughters want so much to have their mother's approval. They are on their own journey and they need to make their own mistakes. As mothers we make things that we experienced growing up part of our daughter's life in order to protect them.
Coming to a common ground of acceptance can alter the relationship between you and your daughter providing there are boundaries put in place and both of you are clear about those boundaries.
If you continue to be judgmental you are showing displeasure and disappointment in her. You are trying to control her life rather than guiding her down the right path. Guidance is a much more pleasurable journey to be on than one of control. Only when you are willing to look inside at the thoughts and beliefs that create your reality, will you be able to change the reality between you and your daughter.
The greatest gift you can give her is the gift of unconditional love. Loving unconditionally is allowing them to be who they are without judgment and accepting them for who they are rather than trying to change them. It is letting them make the mistakes they need to make in order to fulfill their own life purpose.
As I read the following quote it brings tears to my eyes. Not tears of sadness but tears of happiness and joy. Knowing that by making the changes within yourself you will not only allow for a more loving, trusting and honest relationship with your own daughter but it will be passed down through generations to come.
I still hear you humming, Mama. The color of your song calls me home. The color of your words saying "Let her be. She got a right to be different. She gonna stumble on herself one of these days. Just let the child is." And I be, Mama.
Sonia Sanchez
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