How To Forgive Someone
What do you do when you've been wronged by someone and you want to move on
?
How do you let it go - move on with your life - and ensure it doesn't happen again?
The short answer is that you forgive yourself for allowing them in your life in the first place - so you don't have to continue to carry the burden around and so that you *don't repeat the same experience* - either with this person or another one.
You forgive yourself for ALLOWING it to happen to you - not for CAUSING it to happen.
Right now you may be in some sort of a emotional prison. There may be a lot of hurt and resentment and other similar feelings. And what you're feeling now - the bitterness, the resentment, the anger, the hurt; WILL most likely influence your future relationships.
Bitterness can only lead to more bitterness. Hurt leads to more hurt.
Forgiveness is a way to clear out those old feelings from your past so you will be better able to believe in yourself and trust yourself. Not to mention you will be wiser and more perceptive!
But are you responsible for what they did?
No, absolutely not. You don't forgive yourself so you can make them 'not guilty'. You created your reality and they have created theirs.
And the realities overlapped.
A cheater was basically that way before you meet them. A betrayer is a betrayer before they come into your life. And a punisher would just be punishing someone else if you weren't around.
The question becomes - why did I attract someone like this into my life?
Of course you didn't KNOW they would cheat or betray you when you first met them. But then, maybe there were little hints and clues you ignored. I don't know.
The point is, you allowed it to happen, at least on some level.
That 'allowing' is your responsibility; something you CAN forgive yourself for.
The value in forgiving yourself is - first of all, it can be empowering to accept responsibility for YOUR contribution. Yes, I understand you were wronged. They engaged in hurtful behavior that was unjustified.
By forgiving yourself, you are not saying their behavior is acceptable. On some level, they must still 'pay' for what they did. But that's not your business. (I understand many will try to make it their business!)
But you would be way more productive by dealing with YOUR contribution to these events. And not concerning yourself with their contribution. "They will get theirs."
But look at the damage it does to YOU by not forgiving yourself.
Maybe you don't believe in yourself any longer. Maybe you don't trust yourself to make good decisions. Maybe your self-confidence is lacking. Maybe you're carrying around a ton of pain. And I would guess other problems as well have surfaced because you've been wronged.
Forgiving yourself can heal the damage they caused.
Also, you don't let someone 'off the hook' by forgiving yourself for what they did.
YOU WILL BE LETTING *YOU* OFF THE HOOK BY FORGIVING YOURSELF.
Sorry to shout, but I want to make that point clear. By forgiving yourself, you empower yourself. You free yourself from your own private prison of pain.
Here's the bottom line: You can never truly and completely forgive another until you have first forgiven yourself. That's why so many people stay stuck in a lack of forgiveness.
by: Mark Myhre
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