How to Get Your Ex Back After an Affair?
How to Get Your Ex Back After an Affair?
How to Get Your Ex Back After an Affair?You want to get your ex back after she or he had an affair. We have all been faced with someone we care and love leaving us. This is not a fun period within anyone's life however; it is a cold reality, which has been faced by many people. We all realize common sense factors, which we must accept, but this does not make the situation any less traumatizing.
I discovered that my husband had cheated on me. I was devastated. I was quite repulsed at the thought of my husband being with someone else sexually. I kicked him out of our residence within hours of realizing the affair. I look back on that particular situation and I realize what I did wrong and how I could have handled that particular situation differently. I am not condoning cheating however; we must always keep a cool head while dealing with infidelity, especially if you genuinely love someone and hold out the hope of ever reconciling.
I want to provide you with a summary of things, which I have learned referencing getting your ex back after an affair.
You do not want to become a doormat. Accept what your ex did wrong while realizing people generally are human. The ex needs to understand and genuinely show sincere sorrow; otherwise, you will only be setting yourself up for failure upon taking them back. A good place to start for couples with this particular situation would be counseling. This does not matter if you are married or not married. Couples do not have be married to prove their love for one another and counseling would be a great way of proving this to one another. Counseling also brings in an outside person who has nothing to gain in your relationship other than helping both of you through this difficult time.
Do not take your ex back right away. Time and space is needed when dealing with infidelity. You need to embrace what happened as well as your ex. To cast what they did aside is only allowing your ex to not truly discover the err of their ways. Taking your ex back right away also opens the door to becoming a doormat. Remain strong while assuring your loved one of your feelings.
Remain as pleasant as possible. This can truly be difficult when you are depressed or angry. You want your ex to realize that you are capable of being happy without them in your life. Do not become "friends" during this difficult time; you want your ex to feel the guilt of what they did.
Ensure that you do not become a safety net for your ex. You cannot remain 100% available for them. Therapists get paid to listen to people's problems, you must remind yourself this is not your profession while understanding that it's simply not emotionally healthy to consistently remain emotionally available for someone who hurt you.
Do not try to make your ex feel sorry for you. This will make you appear weak. Let your ex see how strong you are and how you are dedicated to creating a new life for yourself.
Do not fight with your ex. Even when you know with all your heart, what they are stating to you is wrong; your goal should be to rid the conversation of negative feelings. Fighting with your ex will get you nowhere and will more times to none make you feel even worse.
When discussing reconciliation, open up the arena for positive and negative feedback. You are not going to like everything, which is said however if there is any hope for reconciliation you will need to try to understand why they cheated. I am a firm believer that people cheat for reasons. This is not a justification for cheating but how can you ever forgive your ex if you do not attempt to understand the sole reasoning of why they cheated.
Do not always be the person to bring up relationship talks. If your ex is interested in coming back, they will bring this up just ensure you listen with an open mind.
Do not consistently bring up the person they had an affair with. Is this difficult? Sure, it is but it is only common sense in understanding that you have to deal with the affair, which has occurred. The person they had an affair with is part of the problem but one, which should be dealt with through counseling not during heat of the moment discussions with your ex. Your ex already knows they had an affair therefore, no need to consistently remind them.
If you and your ex do reconcile after an affair, ensure you do not stop living your life. Make sure the positive changes, which you have made since the affair, remain constant within your relationship. Keep in mind that your ex had an affair for a reason and where you should not blame yourself entirely; understand that both in order for your relationship to withstand the test of time must experience a different atmosphere.