How to be a Real Man
What does it mean to be a man?
What does it mean to be a man?
When we are posed with that question many things come to mind. We can talk about confidence, leadership, strength and all of those would be good answers, but what is atthe core of being a man? In the last 40 years the roles of a man and woman have become more and more blurred.
Women in the 1940's and 1950's would stay home, raise the children and took on the role of a submissive wife. In the 1960's and 1970's feminism took center stage and as more divorces happened, women became single mothers and left to raise boys on their own. I was a product of a single mother and no father in the 1980's and I have spent a great deal of my life trying to find an answer to the question above.
It's 2010 and we see these roles barely exist anymore. Men have become dependent, lacking direction, followers, afraid and more than anything, irresponsible. In life we are told to be confident but we are never instructed as to WHY this role is important or even HOW to actually sustain confidence.
Why does this matter to your dating life?
Because being a man is a role that will NEVER disappear it's in our biology. It may seem obvious, but the truth is thatwomen like MEN. Yes that's a generalized statement but it's more often true than notand by a LARGE margin. You will always find exceptions to the rule if you look hard enough.
Here's what I believe are some characteristics and roles of what a real man should be:
Responsibility
Most men believe that being responsible means supporting a family financially. Being responsible means your role is to accept when you are wrong, but live with the mindset that you are right and confident in your ability to make decisions. A man should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family and significant other. This means taking action when the circumstances call for it and doing what it takes to solve issues that arise.
A Protector
A protector means that you can more than just physically protect her from other people; it also means protecting her self-esteem and self-worth. One of the greatest compliments a woman can give a man is to feel safe around him.
A Mentor
A man of high value is a mentor to others through word and action. Set high standards and teach by doing. He is impeccable with his word and his actions display confidence as well as mentoring others to improve their lives. This is a powerful trait for a man to have because the strength of character it takes to be a mentor shows a wide variety of attraction switches such as: Confidence, leaderships, social proof and social status.
Dominance and Being a Leader
The current behavior of many men is submissive, feminine and afraid to take the lead. The first step to understanding and changing this behavior is becomingdominant.A lot of guys mistake dominance for total control. Dominance does NOT mean that you own or control another person. Simply put, it means that you have authority and take the lead in interactions.
In relationships it means that you are the one who generally leads the relationship and makes most of the decisions. She joins you for the journey and offers her input, which you should hear out, respect, and take into consideration. You do NOT control the other person and she is free to be who she is just as you are free to be who you are. A relationship should not be about control because control is based in fear. A relationship should be founded on love because love is all about freedom.
Be the leader she needs. Assuming leadership means you recognize that your role as the man in the relationship is to step up and take charge. This means making plans, choosing where to eat, setting boundaries, enforcing them, etc most of the time. Indecisiveness is an un-attractive quality. Learn to speak your mind and tell her what you want. When I counsel people in relationships, I often find the same issues repeating themselves. Neither person is expressing what they actually want and desire. You will NEVER get what you want if you do not communicate clearly what your needs and expectations are.
Controlling Emotions
One quality of a man that many overlook is the ability to control emotions. Women are creatures of emotion and thus their moods will change as their emotion's change. As a man you are responsible for controlling your emotions and not letting your emotions control you. Many times when a man has no father figure and was raised by a mother only he will be very emotional. Part of assuming the role of a man though is to have dominance over your emotional well-being as well. It's OK to show emotions, in fact it's vital! However, you need to show restraint and that restraint of emotion is VERY attractive to women.
Becoming Independent
Independence is a major trademark of a man. Independence shows that you can take care of yourself and therefore you can take care of others. Independence shows that you understand the way life works and have broken free from your dependence on others both financially and emotionally.
Having Direction and Passion in Life
Having a direction and be passionate about things is a vital role that a man must take on. If you are to be the leader of a relationship or family you must display that you are taking her in a direction she wishes to go and that she has the faith in you to follow. Another great compliment women can give a man is that you are multi-dimensional. You have passions other than what she first saw.
Setting standards
In the beginning of any interaction with a woman, you are sending signals to each other about where your boundaries are. You communicate these in many ways such as verbal cues, body language and willingness to comply with suggestions. As you set boundaries the woman's job is to test these boundaries to see if you will keep her in check. As the man allows his boundaries to be broken the woman loses attraction for him. Over time the woman will leave the man because she loses respect for him and sees him as an unsuitable partner.
A man sets his standards and keeps them there. One of the greatest phrases that holds true in life is "we teach people how to treat us." We do this by setting boundaries and then holding others accountable for violating them.
And soI ask this question once again: What does it mean to be a man?
From all my experiences guess I can say that we know we're a man when we see one. When we can identify the traits of a man in others we begin to understand what being a man is all about. When you become responsible for your actions you begin to understand the world not from the eyes of selfishness, but from the eyes of selflessness.
What do YOU think it means to be a man? Please comment and tell us your thoughts, we'd love to hear what you guys have to say!
How to be a Real Man
By: Niko
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