I Don't Feel Sexy Anymore After My Husband's Infidelity: Insights That Might Help
There are many issues that can crop up in your marriage and in your life after your husband has cheated or had an affair
. But, your self esteem and self confidence are probably among the issues that can be the most problematic. This because this sort of self doubt can very much sabotageyour efforts to heal and / or save your marriage (if that's what you're choosing to do.)I hear from many women who tell me they no longer feel sexy or desirable after their husbands cheated on them.Most women who are struggling with this issue worry very much that the reason their husband cheated was at least somewhat due to the fact that they either didn't turn him on enough, weren't desirable enough, or didn't posses the same sort of sexual prowess that the other woman had. These thoughts seem to crop up even when we're really trying our best to move on and even if we know (and hope) in our hearts that this just isn't true.
This is problematic on so many levels. First, you're being negatively affected by something that wasn't your fault and over which you had no control. You did not make the decision to cheat and yet it's aftermath plays out in your life day after day. And it can affect how you feel about yourself and can also affect your ability to move forward with confidence and conviction. This just isn't fair and it's best to move past it. The following article will offer some tips on how to get your sexual confidence back after your husband cheated.
Don't Rush Sex After The Infidelity: It's perfectly natural (and quite common) to hope that resuming an intimate sexual relationship is going to make things better. Many wives in this situation figure if they can heat things back up in the bedroom, the excitement and intimacy is going to return to the relationship and therefore you hopefully can begin to move away from the affair and the other woman.
And in theory this does make a lot of sense (and can sometimes work.) Sex connects men and women for different reasons but it most certainly connects us. And, if you're keeping your husband busy and interested at home, there is likely less of a chance that he will seek this sort of thing elsewhere.
But the problem is often that if you try to resume sex before you've had some frank discussions or made some serious and at least somewhat successful attempts to work through some of the issues that came along with the cheating, then there's a risk that those attempts at sex might well be awkward and not all that fulfilling. When this happens of course, it only reinforces the wife's suspicions that he doesn't find her sexy or that she doesn't measure up in the bedroom.
This is why it's advisable not to rush it. Because in order for you to have the confidence and emotional capacity to want to be a willing and enthusiastic partner, you'll likely need at least some resolution. Women can have a very hard time just going through the motions when we have all these doubts swimming in our heads and pain filling out hearts.
But as these things begin to wane and we begin to see that our husband is willing to have a little patience and walk with us through recovery, then our doubts begin to lessen as our enthusiasm begins to rise.If it's any conciliation, many women confirm that it can be worth the wait and that the sex was much better when things were right in their hearts.
Boosting Your Sexual Confidence So That You Feel Sexy After He Cheated Or Had An Affair: I often tell women (and I firmly believe) that what you find sexy is more important than what you perceive that he finds sexy. Why? Because if you don't feel it or believe it, then you can't sell it to him. And, without a doubt, enthusiasmis what men admit turns them on the most.This topic comes up a lot. And many menimply that a beautiful woman who's clearly not present during sex isn't nearly as exciting as an average looking woman who isenthusiastic and not putting on an act. It's so important to understand this.
And here's the thing. Men can tell if you're only putting on an act when your heart isn't really in it. You don't want to set yourself up where you're in a very uncomfortable and awkward situation. Because once this happens, then you're more doubtful and uncomfortable the next time and the problem becomes worse and worse. But, if you can reestablish a healthy sexual relationship, the other issues after the affair do become somewhat easier.
This doesn't mean that you need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or isn't in alignment with your personality and beliefs.It's so vital to find the point where you are comfortable but adventurous and able to be genuinely enthusiastic. This sometimes take healing and it sometimes takes working on your own self esteem and personal self confidence. There's nothing wrong with educating yourself and giving yourself permission to do what makes you feel better about yourself in all areas of your life. Experiment with the clothing, make up, and play that makes you feel your best. The better you feel, the better the experience will be for both of you.
You deserve a fulfilling sexual relationship as much as your husband does. And it should be one that you look forward to rather than being pressured into. The good news is that if you moveonly as you're comfortable and worry about what you want and finddesirable, your enthusiasm will often shine through and your husband is very likely to respond extremely favorably as well.
Restoring my confidence was probably the best thing I did when I was struggling after my husband's affair. Although I never would've believe this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again.You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com.
I Don't Feel Sexy Anymore After My Husband's Infidelity: Insights That Might Help
By: Katie Lersch