I Want To Get My Husband Back?: Here's Some Tips And Advice That Might Help

I Want To Get My Husband Back?: Here's Some Tips And Advice That Might Help

I have had a blog in which I discuss different methods to save a marriage and / or to get your husband back for quite a while now. When things began going downhill for my husband and I, and I was tempted to just give up on my marriage and start thinking about dating again, I began to include this conversation and content in the blog. I was hoping that a couple of readers would join me in readying for this, but the response that I received surprised me.

Folks didn't want advice on dating. They didn't even want a hint of this on the blog. Instead, they wanted to know how to get their spouse's back and nothing else. They didn't want anyone else and no matter how much water was under the bridge they very much wanted to rescue their marriages. Some of them were even a little disappointed that I would even think of including different content. I got emails like "I'm looking for advice and ways to get my husband back, not to move on once I fail in this." After that, I changed tactics both on the blog and in saving my marriage. Here's the advice and tips I often offered my readers.

Determine What Your Husband Really Wants And What He Isn't Getting: Husbands leave because they feel that something is lacking, missing, or dead from the marriage and they have no clue how to get it back. (And, if the marriage has had problems for quite a while, you probably feel all of these things too.)

Often, this missing element has much more to do with them than it has to do with you. See, men fall in love and stay in love because of their way their wives make them feel about them selves. A man in love with his wive feels valued, important, worthy, attractive, and competent. She is a barrier from the storm and a best friend. Who wouldn't love this arrangement?

But, time takes over. Responsibilities set in. Obligations are a thief to marriage, and without either of you ever intending it, the time and effort you're able to give to each other begins to wane. Your husband begins to see less and less of the flirty, smiling, open women he fell in love with and more of the scattered, hurried, flustered women who has 101 things and tasks on her mind.

Like wise, the laid back, open hearted guy who used to make your heart sing has now fully stepped into the high stress role of provider and finds it's difficult to remain laid back and responsible at the same time. At the end of the day, the two people left standing are somewhat strangers, struggling to juggle their marriage as well as a million other things.

Often, this lack of time, attention, appreciation, and affection weighs on husbands. They are typically poor communicators and, on top of that, they often feel guilty about asking for more of your time when they know you are struggling to be everything to every body. So, instead, they withdraw and check out. Of course, this just worsens the distance in your marriage until it gets to a place where it can in fact feel very broken.

It's important to understand how you got here, because this is how you're going to be able to fix it. If you can determine that your husband checked out of your marriage because he needed more of your time, affection, and appreciation (and almost all husbands tell me this), then your job would be to provide those things ASAP. Men often tell me things like "I'm last on her to do list," "I'm just a walking pay check, etc."

Being Genuinely Believable When You Begin To Make The Needed Changes: So hopefully, I've shown you that you need to make a few changes to get your husband back. You should understand exactly what he wants from you at this point. Now, it's vitally important that you make it known to him that you are going to be changing course because this should eliminate some of the tension.

So many attempts at reconciliation are ruined because both parties participate in behaviors that just pushes the other farther away. So, don't try to get a response from your husband or push his buttons, don't push for commitments or nag him. Because ultimately, you are trying to create positive feelings and experience. You want him to smile when he sees you coming, not have the urge to escape and run away.

At a time when you are both calm, I want you to approach him and tell them you agree there are serious issues in your marriage and that it hurts because you both once loved each other so very much. Tell him that you can't know where the future is going, but that you would like to just improve the relationship between you (especially if you have children). Tell him that he is too important to you to allow things to end badly or with the two of you disliking one another. Reiterate that you've always wanted him to be happy and will not participate in any behaviors that would achieve the opposite.

Now, at first, he's going to think you are trying to manipulate him. But, you are going to do exactly what you said. You are going to be laid back, open, smiling, easy to be around, and will focus on just creating positive shared experiences and interactions. No deep discussions. No bugging him about where this is going. Just let it unfold. The absolute best thing that could happen is that he becomes the one who is initiating the time together as he begins to enjoy your relationship again. Always leave him wanting more and always let him steer the relationship where he is comfortable (otherwise, you'll look like you are manipulating or trying too hard.)

Never Believe It's Too Late To Save Your Marriage: Many women will say to me "if only I'd tried this last year, but it's too late right now. He won't even be in the same room with me." Often I have to explain that the reason he won't be in the same room is because the interactions between them always end up negative and unpleasurable. So, this has to be changed immediately. You may have to move slowly and be patient, but one baby step at a time, you absolutely can improve your interactions and shared experiences until this things are happening with more frequency.

I was getting ready to start putting dating info on my blog. My husband had moved out. I absolutely thought it was the end, but, thankfully, I listened to my readers and I did change course and began with some of the techniques I discussed here (with a little patience sprinkled in) and much to my delight it worked.

When my husband left, I made many of the mistakes discussed in this article. I stalked, and begged, threatened, and acted very badly. These things back fired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course and save the marriage. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

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