Infidelity - Are You At Risk? By: Jessica Ross
Cheating, or infidelity, is a topic that most people have a strong opinion about
. They don't want it to happen to them, and they don't want to think of themselves as the kind of person who would do it. And yet, studies show that between 30 of all married people will cheat at some point in their marriage. That's not surprising, coupled with the fact that almost half of all marriages end in divorce and that people are more likely to be unfaithful as relationships start to deteriorate.
There are many theories about the psychology of infidelity, including a strong faction insisting that humans simply weren't meant to be monogamous. But a closer look suggests that for most couples, monogamy is both desirable and achievable it just requires commitment, self-awareness, and work to sustain. Historically, men have been more frequently guilty of infidelity. As more and more women become financially independent, though, the gender statistics are balancing out. Any couple can be at risk of their relationship being damaged by cheating.
You may be thinking, But that could never happen to me. And I would never do that.
Think again!
Most cases of infidelity go undiscovered. And most cheaters don't plan to cheat at least, not the first time. Usually, cheating happens when someone finds themselves in a circumstance where reason and logic are overwhelmed by emotion. After the first time, it's easier to justify continuing the affair. The best strategy is to avoid that first time! But how can you avoid something you don't consciously plan to do?
Paradoxically, although infidelity may not be planned, in looking back, there are often clear signs leading up to it. The trick is to practice enough awareness of self, and to pay enough attention to the health of your relationship, that you notice the signs and take corrective action before you - or your partner - end up in a situation that will end badly for everyone involved.
What are some of the signs that your relationship is at risk of infidelity?
Cheating is more likely to occur when either partner:
Is emotionally interdependent with someone else of the opposite sex
Is around someone who is sexually interested in them
Spends a lot of time one-on-one with someone else
Does not feel close to or connected with their partner
Has an "opportunity" (such as an out-of-town business trip)
Is in a situation where inhibitions may be artificially lowered (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
All of these factors are more and more common in this day and age, when both partners in a marriage may have full-time jobs that require them to spend time with a co-worker; when people's lives tend to be so busy and frantic that making a connection is difficult; when stress leads people to unthinkingly withdraw from or take their frustrations out on a partner. Additionally, the lure of e-mail, texting, and social media can lead to emotional entanglements that don't technically seem like cheating because they don't involve physical contact, but which result in the same type of distancing and distraction from a partner.
So, if cheating isn't usually a consciously planned decision what can you do?
You can consciously choose to strengthen your relationship by paying attention to your bond with your partner and the health of your relationship.
One mistake that nearly everyone makes in their relationship is to identify their partner as the source of their own unhappiness or discontent. Blaming a partner is often what leads you to consider other options, or daydream about being with someone else. Rather than taking the opportunity to place blame, you can learn to see those disappointments and discomforts as chances to strengthen your relationship, by identifying where you're getting off track, and proactively working to fix it. Sure, you can also fantasize about being with somebody else but the more you do that, the more likely the consequence will be that your emotions will drive your actions when temptation is in front of you. The best way to make a good decision is to think through repercussions in advance.
An affair can be extremely exciting and romantic to some people but the time you invest in it could more profitably be spent in improving your marriage. Having an affair requires you to get into the habit of deceit and lies and it can be difficult to break those habits. As Thomas Jefferson said, "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it." You don't want to end up in the position of realizing that the one who stood by you is the one you truly love only to find that you've pushed them away.
My novel Nobody Has to Know deals with these themes in the fun and entertaining story of Jamie and Summer, a perfect couple whose marriage is suddenly confronted with an unexpected temptation. Although the book is quirky and enjoyable, I wanted to explore what happens when a marriage faces the threat of infidelity and how decisions can have unexpected outcomes. Visit my website at http://www.outskirtspress.com/nobodyhastoknow for purchase information, and visit my blog for future discussions. http://www.nobodyhastoknowblog.wordpress.com
by: Self-Publishing Articles
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