Ketubahs, The Koran And Corinthians: 3 Great Ideas For Interfaith Weddings

When I first started living with my now husband

, my protestant parents started calling him their "sin-in-law", and his Jewish parents made me a T-shirt proclaiming, "I'm the Shiksa".

We thought they'd be relieved and thrilled when we announced three years later that we were going to get married. "He's making an honest woman out of me, mom!" I told my mother on the phone. "Does this mean my grandchildren will be Jewish?" she said. I quickly made an excuse to hang up the phone, and called her back later, when my humor and compassion had returned. That conversation was a picnic compared to the one that my dear fiance had with his parents. Let's just say there were actual tears. And that was just when he told his dad. We won't even go into his conversation with his mother. That's for the therapist he called shortly thereafter to renew his sessions.

But family is family, and our love was (is!) real. Both sets of parents came around, of course, because they are truly loving people with room in their hearts for the family being built by our love, even if it broke some of the traditions they held dear.

And then our mothers, also of course, started to get excited about the wedding. "Who will design the katubah?" his mother asked. "Can we get old Pastor Henry to officiate?" my mother asked. "Oh, boy," my darling said. "Oy, vey," I said. "How about we convert to Islam?"

The truth is, neither of us are religious. We just aren't. But we do value some of the beautiful aspects of various religions, and wanted to honor our own heritages, not just for our parents' sake. So we decided to embark on that crazy adventure that is a not-particularly-religious interfaith wedding.

Why we did not film this, I don't know. I express regret. It would have made a hilarious movie. Instead, I thought I'd take some of our favorite ideas and make an informative article, in case there are other couples out there about to join interfaith forces, who don't want the usual heavy "Now think this through, are you sure you really want to break your parents' hearts?" advice column approach. Here are my top three interfaith memories from that perfect (if crazy) day.

1. The Ketubah (traditional Jewish wedding contract). It really is a lovely document, much more a piece of art than a contract to store in a file drawer. We had our made by a local artist, and it remains one of our dearest treasures, framed and hanging over our bed. My mother-in-law makes excuses to go into the bedroom whenever she visits us so she can admire it. Of course, this means I have to be careful and make sure there aren't any fuzzy handcuffs still tied to the headboard when I know she's on her way!

2. Wine. Thank all religions for finding holiness in our favorite beverage! Our officiant, who was neither rabbi nor pastor, but a friend ordained through the internet (!) read a wonderful blessing over two glasses of wine, referencing the Eucharist, the Jewish blessing of the wine, and even the ancient Chinese wedding tradition of tuan yuan [twen yu-wen], or "completing the circle." (If you're less familiar with this one, it's lovely: the wine cups are tied together with a red string. The partners sip the wine, then cross arms to exchange the cups and drink again.) In each tradition, the sharing and mingling of the wine symbolizes a harmonious married life. And of course we stomped the glasses after we drank from them. Who would ever have even a half-Jewish wedding ceremony that skipped that most fun, festive "step"?

3. Dancing! Now, I'm not sure if Jesus technically ever danced the funky chicken, but it's been a staple at every Christian wedding I've ever been to. And it transitioned perfectly into Hava Nagila, insuring that everybody had their chance to get down!

Mazel Tov! May the Lord bless you and keep you! And we wish you the happiest ever after of all.

by: Mark Etinger

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