Ladies Jeans - Not For The Fainthearted

Ladies jeans are the bugbear of her existence

Ladies jeans are the bugbear of her existence. From the minute she decides to purchase them she is met with frustration.

Timing the event with a skinny, good hair day is like co-coordinating a visit from the American president.

Should she buy bootleg, straight cut, skinny or flared? Should she buy dark denim, light denim or black?

Should she get her normal size or the one smaller in the hope that the diet she will start next week will pay off?

Can she wear these ones with the new boots that she bought last week or will she have to purchase the thirty centimeter heels she fell in love with in the window of the shop conveniently located next door?

She then proceeds into the dressing room to try them on. The shop assistant glances at the sizes and looks at her in a manner reflecting her amazement that that body will fit into those jeans.

After trying on countless pairs of ladies jeans, after twenty re-visits into the jean section, she discovers that these ones fit around the waist but not in the leg, these in the waist but not over her hips. She cannot even get these ones over her ankle. She is sure that it is just fluid retention.

She looks at the ones that fit comfortably, make her appear like a supermodel and can be put on without the use of grease and a crowbar, only to find that they cost her a year's wages.

Sacrificing her wage, she puts it on her credit card and walks out of the shop, proudly displaying the brand of the jeans purchased on her bag. Shouldn't one receive a discount for such advertising?

She wears them to her chosen event, only to spill red wine on them. She gets them home puts them in the washing machine only to read the label "Wash separately before use."

Her light coloured ladies jeans purchased in the same manner last season are now a classic example of the bygone tie-dyed era. The process starts all over again as she must replace the ones she damaged. We can't only have nine pairs of ladies jeans, can we??

by: Toby Dicks

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